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The charts below show the percentage of wate used for different purposes in six areas of the world. v.2

The charts below show the percentage of wate used for different purposes in six areas of the world. v. 2
The charts represent the amount of water used in a percentage for three different purposes, namely; industrial, agriculture and domestic in four continents; America, Asia, Europe and Africa. Overall, Asians used the most of water for agriculture as well as Africa and South America while North America and Europe used the water mainly for the industrial purposes. Developed countries used the water mostly for industrial purposes which proportion was recorded of 48% for North America and 53% for Europe whereas South East Asia used 12% of water for the same reason. The remaining countries had below 10% of water used by industries. Domestic usage was the least water usage for all countries. While Asian and Africa used of below 10%, America and Europe used below 20%. In contrast, the rest of countries used the water mostly for agriculture purposes; especially Asian region used the most. 88% of water was used in the central area of Asia while 81% was used in South East. Africa and South America followed the next, which had 84% and 71% of water used in agriculture respectively while Europe used of 32% and North America of 39%.
The charts represent the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
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used
in a percentage for three
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different
purposes,
namely
; industrial,
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agriculture
and domestic in four continents; America, Asia, Europe and Africa.

Overall
, Asians
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used
the most of
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water
for
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agriculture
as well
as Africa and South America while North America and Europe
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used
the
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water
mainly
for the industrial purposes.

Developed
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countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the
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water
mostly
for industrial purposes which proportion
was recorded
of 48% for North America and 53% for Europe whereas South East Asia
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used
12% of
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water
for the same reason. The remaining
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countries
had below 10% of
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water
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used
by industries. Domestic usage was the least
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water
usage for all
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countries
. While Asian and Africa
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used
of below 10%, America and Europe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
below 20%.

In contrast
, the rest of
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countries
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used
the
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water
mostly
for
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agriculture
purposes;
especially
Asian region
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the most. 88% of
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water
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the central area of Asia while 81% was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in South East. Africa and South America followed the
next
, which had 84% and 71% of
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water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
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agriculture
respectively
while Europe
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used
of 32% and North America of 39%.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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IELTS academic The charts below show the percentage of wate used for different purposes in six areas of the world. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
191 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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