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The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. v.3

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. v. 3
The provided illustration compares water consumption for three main purposes in six different areas namely: North America, South America, Europe, Africa, Central Asia and South East Asia. Overall, it is clear from the charts that Asian and African countries used more water for irrigation while North American and European countries used more water for their industrial needs. To begin with, a major portion of water consumption could be observed in the agricultural sector and this was higher in African and Asian regions than that of American and European parts. More than 80% of water in Africa and Asia went into agricultural fields while this percentage was only 32% in Europe and 39% in North America. North America and Europe required more water in their industrial sectors than that of Asian and African countries. While half of the water was used in the industrial sector in North America and Europe, the percentage of that in African and Asian regions ranged from 5% to 12%. Interestingly, water consumption in North and South America shows a contrasting scenario. Finally, more percentages of household water consumption could be observed in American and European continents than that of Asian and African regions.
The provided illustration compares
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water
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consumption
for three main purposes in six
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different
areas
namely
:
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North
America, South America, Europe, Africa, Central Asia and South East Asia.
Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the charts that Asian and African countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
more
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water
for irrigation while
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North
American and European countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
more
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water
for their industrial needs.

To
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begin
with, a major portion of
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water
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consumption
could
be observed
in the agricultural sector and this was higher in African and Asian regions than that of American and European parts. More than 80% of
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water
in Africa and Asia went into agricultural fields while this percentage was
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only
32% in Europe and 39% in
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North
America.
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North
America and Europe required more
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water
in their industrial sectors than that of Asian and African countries. While half of the
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water
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the industrial sector in
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North
America and Europe, the percentage of that in African and Asian regions ranged from 5% to 12%.
Interestingly
,
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water
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consumption
in
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North
and South America
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
a contrasting scenario.
Finally
, more percentages of household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
could
be observed
in American and European continents than that of Asian and African regions.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS academic The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. v. 3

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
197 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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