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The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. v.4

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. v. 4
The provided figures give information on the percentage of industrial, agricultural and domestic use of water in the six different regions of the world. Generally, as can be seen from the illustration, the highest percentage of water is used for agricultural demands, while the least percentage of water is used for the domestic needs. In Africa, South America, Central and South-East Asia more than 70 percent of water goes to the agricultural sector, whereas in North America and Europe this index is 39 % and 32% respectively. On the contrary, these regions consume more water for industrial purposes (48% and 53%), while industrial purposes require only about 10 % average in South America, Africa, Central and South-East Asia. The biggest percent of domestic water use could be observed is in South America (19%) and Asian regions use the minimum water for domestic needs. The maximum usage of water for agricultural aims is in Central Asia (89 %), and only 32% of water is used by the European farming sector.
The provided figures give information on the percentage of industrial,
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agricultural
and
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domestic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
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water
in the six
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
regions of the world.
Generally
, as can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the illustration, the highest percentage of
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water
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
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agricultural
demands, while the least percentage of
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water
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for the
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domestic
needs.

In Africa, South America, Central and South-East Asia more than 70 percent of
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water
goes to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
sector, whereas in North America and Europe this index is 39 % and 32%
respectively
.
On the contrary
, these regions consume more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
for industrial purposes (48% and 53%), while industrial purposes require
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about 10 % average in South America, Africa, Central and South-East Asia. The biggest percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
could
be observed
is in South America (19%) and Asian regions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the minimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
needs. The maximum usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
for
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agricultural
aims is in Central Asia (89 %), and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
32% of
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water
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by the European farming sector.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS academic The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. v. 4

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
169 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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