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The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. v.2

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. v. 2
The provided pie charts compare the domestic, agricultural and industrial water consumptions in six major parts of the world. In general, the highest percentage of water is utilised for agricultural purposes in Asian, African and South American countries while about half of the water in Europe and North America goes to industrial sectors. As can be seen from the given pie charts, North America's water consumption has a striking similarity to that of Europe. In both of these continents, about half of the water is required in industrial sectors, almost one-third for crop cultivation and 13-15% for people’s household use. Interestingly, South American’s water-absorbing habit is quite contrary to the North American region and it is more like the water consumptions in Asian and African continents. A great portion of water goes to agricultural division in Asian, African and North American countries which is over eight-tenths of their total consumption. The highest water consumption is cultivation could be observed in Central Asia (88%) which is almost treble than that of Europe. Household water use in South America is higher than other parts of the world and that stands at 19%. Only 7 to 9 percent water is used by people in Asian and African countries for their personal use at home.   Finally, the industrial water consumptions in Asian and African areas ranges from 5% to 12% and this ration is quite lower than that of Europe and North America. Interestingly, South East Asia uses more water for manufacturing than each of Africa, central Asia and South America.
The provided pie charts compare the domestic, agricultural and
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industrial
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water
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consumptions
in six major parts of the world.
In general
, the highest percentage of
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water
is
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
for agricultural purposes in Asian, African and South American countries while about half of the
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water
in Europe and
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North
America goes to
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industrial
sectors.

As can be
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seen
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie charts,
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North
America's
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water
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consumption
has a striking similarity to that of Europe. In both of these continents, about half of the
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water
is required
in
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industrial
sectors, almost one-third for crop cultivation and 13-15% for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s household
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
Interestingly
, South American’s water-absorbing habit is quite contrary to the
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North
American region and it is more like the
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water
Possible spelling mistake found.
consumptions
in Asian and African continents. A great portion of
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water
goes to agricultural division in Asian, African and
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North
American countries which is over eight-tenths of their total
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consumption
. The highest
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water
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consumption
is cultivation could
be observed
in Central Asia (88%) which is almost
Use "(treble)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
treble
than that of Europe. Household
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water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in South America is higher than other parts of the world and that stands at 19%.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
7 to 9 percent
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water
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in Asian and African countries for their personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
at home.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Finally
, the
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industrial
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water
Possible spelling mistake found.
consumptions
in Asian and African areas ranges from 5% to 12% and this ration is quite lower than that of Europe and
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North
America.
Interestingly
, South East Asia
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
more
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water
for manufacturing than each of Africa,
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
central Asia
and South America.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS academic The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. v. 2

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
258 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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