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The charts below show the percentage of time younger and older people spend on various Internet activities in their free time (excluding email). v.3

The charts below show the percentage of time younger and older people spend on various Internet activities in their free time (excluding email). v. 3
The given pie charts illustrate the proportion of free time of young and elderly people used for different internet activities including email services. It can be seen from the graph that, the youngsters, belonging to 18 to 26 age group, spent their good proportion of 24% of surfing time to carry out social networking. Whereas the elderly belongs to 60 to 70 years age group and they used their 25% quality browsing time to call on cinema or travel booking websites. At the same time, merely 5%of youth's surfing time used for this purpose. Again, both youngsters and old people spent an almost same percentage of time to get into researching purposes. It was 20% and 22% respectively. The most interesting phenomenon had noticed from this pie chart is both groups spent exactly 12% of their browsing time on purchasing online. Next, elderly spend their 21%of surfing time to call on social networking. Whereas the youth spent an exactly same percentage, that is 21% for access music and films. However, only 15%of elderly surfing time had used for visit music sites. The least interesting elderly online activity was playing games. They spent measure 5%of their browsing time for the same. On the other hand, for youth, 18% time spent for their browsing time used for not other than playing games. Overall, the most interesting internet activity of youth was social networking. Cinema and travel booking was the favourite online activity of elderly. However, this was the least interested internet activity of youth. Though both are spent different time for various activities, online purchase times of elderly and youth were exactly the same.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie charts illustrate the proportion of free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of young and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
including email services.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the graph that, the youngsters, belonging to 18 to 26 age group,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
proportion of 24% of surfing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to carry out social networking. Whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
belongs to 60 to 70 years age
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
group and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
their 25% quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
browsing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to call on cinema or travel booking websites. At the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
merely
5%of youth's surfing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for this purpose. Again, both youngsters and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
an almost same percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into researching purposes. It was 20% and 22%
respectively
. The most interesting phenomenon had noticed from this pie chart is both groups
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
exactly 12% of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
browsing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on purchasing online.

Next
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
spend their 21%of surfing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to call on social networking. Whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
an exactly same percentage,
that is
21% for access music and films.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
15%of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
surfing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for visit music sites. The least interesting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
was playing games. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
measure 5%of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
browsing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for the same.
On the other hand
, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
, 18%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
browsing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for not other than playing games.

Overall
, the most interesting internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
was social networking. Cinema and travel booking was the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
.
However
, this was the least interested internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
. Though both are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, online
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
were exactly the same.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS academic The charts below show the percentage of time younger and older people spend on various Internet activities in their free time (excluding email). v. 3

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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