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The charts below show the percentage of monthly household income spent on various items by two different groups in one European country. v.1

The charts below show the percentage of monthly household income spent on various items by two different groups in one European country. v. 1
The pie charts illustrate the proportion of household expenditure by two income groups in Europe. In general, it is clear that house rent is not included in the two pie charts. First of all, the low-income group spends the most money on food and drink which accounted for 29% of the total income, while the high-income group spends only 15%. It is clearly shown that high-income earner spends the majority of the income on miscellaneous items (23%) whereas only 18% allocated them for the low-income earner. Those who earn less money spend more money on fuel bills than the high-income group (24% and 7% respectively). A direct link can be seen between money spent on transport and fuel bills, that is transport makes up a smaller proportion in the low-income group than high-income group (9% for the former and 16% for the latter). Another interesting feature is that the low-income earners spend less money on recreational and cultural activities compared to the high-income group, with figures 11% and 21% respectively). For both the income groups, less money is spent on restaurant and hotel and clothing, that is 4% and 5% for low-income group and 7% and 8% for the high-income group.
The pie charts illustrate the proportion of household expenditure by two
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income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
in Europe.
In general
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
rent is not included in the two pie charts.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the low-income
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group
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spends
the most
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money
on food and drink which accounted for 29% of the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
15%. It is
clearly
shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-income
earner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spends
the majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
on miscellaneous items (23%) whereas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
18% allocated them for the low-income earner. Those who earn less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on fuel bills than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
(24% and 7%
respectively
). A direct link can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
spent on transport and fuel bills,
that is
transport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
up a smaller proportion in the low-income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
than
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high-income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
(9% for the former and 16% for the latter).

Another interesting feature is that the low-income earners
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on recreational and cultural activities compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, with figures 11% and 21%
respectively
Unpaired symbol: '(' seems to be missing
)
. For both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
, less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is spent
on restaurant and hotel and clothing,
that is
4% and 5% for low-income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
and 7% and 8% for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS academic The charts below show the percentage of monthly household income spent on various items by two different groups in one European country. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
201 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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