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The charts below show the percentage of time younger and older people spend on various Internet activities in their free time (excluding email). v.2

The charts below show the percentage of time younger and older people spend on various Internet activities in their free time (excluding email). v. 2
The pie charts illustrate the proportion of time people allocate on different internet activities when they are free, divided into two groups: that is youngsters (18-26 group) and the elderly people (60-70 age group). Overall, it is clear that the two age groups have different preferences of internet activities. First and foremost, the younger age group spends a majority of their time on social networking (24%) compared to only 8% of the time elderly people spend. The older people, however, spend most of their time on making bookings for the cinema ticket or travel (29%) which is almost fourfold then the time youngsters spend on this stuff. Young people tend to access to music or films more than older people (just over one-fifth and 17% respectively). In addition, young people use three times more in playing online games than the other age group (18% and 6% correspondingly). Interestingly, both the age groups spend approximately the same time for activities like doing research related to the health issue and making purchases online, that is 20% and 14% for the elderly people.
The pie charts illustrate the proportion of
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time
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people
allocate on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
internet activities when they are free, divided into two
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groups
:
that is
youngsters (18-26
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group)
and the elderly
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people
(60-70
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group)
.
Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the two
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
preferences of internet activities.

First
and foremost, the younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spends
a majority of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on social networking (24%) compared to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
8% of the
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time
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
. The older
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people
,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on making bookings for the cinema ticket or travel (29%) which is almost fourfold then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
on this stuff. Young
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people
tend to access to music or films more than older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
(
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over one-fifth and 17%
respectively
).

In addition
, young
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
more in playing online games than the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
(18% and 6%
correspondingly
).
Interestingly
, both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
approximately the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for activities like doing research related to the health issue and making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
online,
that is
20% and 14% for the elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS academic The charts below show the percentage of time younger and older people spend on various Internet activities in their free time (excluding email). v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
180 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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