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The charts below show the percentage of school-aged boys and girls in secondary school and higher education in four region in the world in 2000. v.2

The charts below show the percentage of school-aged boys and girls in secondary school and higher education in four region in the world in 2000. v. 2
The bar charts give information about the rate of men and women, being in school-aged, going to secondary school and higher education in four regions in the world in 2000. Overall, the percentage of school-aged boys and girls in intermediate school was much more than that of further education. Another interesting point is the latter and the former shared the similar pattern on ranking among four regions examined, with the highest proportion being possessed by Europe, followed by America and South Asia, while Sub-Saharan Africa region hold the smallest figure in the charts. While almost entire young people in recommended age went to middle school in Europe, the opposite was true for Sub-Saharan Africa with the percentage of boys and girls getting such school being 30% and 24% respectively, being less than one-third of the figure of Europe. Additionally, almost 60% of school children in both genders attended high school in America and South Asia. Interestingly, the rate of women being higher than that of men by almost twofold in higher education was only seen in America region in the chart (29% and 17% respectively), the opposite was true for other regions with the different between the figure of two genders being no more than 5%. In addition, there was almost 60% teenagers in Europe continuing their education path in college and university, being over two times as high as the figure of America and South Asia, strikingly, higher than that of Sub-Saharan Africa by six fold.
The bar charts give information about the rate of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women, being in school-aged, going to secondary
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school
and higher
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education
in four
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regions
in the world in 2000.

Overall
, the percentage of school-aged boys and girls in intermediate
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school
was much more than that of
further
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education
. Another interesting point is the latter and the former shared the similar pattern on ranking among four
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regions
examined, with the highest proportion
being possessed
by Europe, followed by America and South Asia, while Sub-Saharan Africa
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region
hold the smallest
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figure
in the charts.

While
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almost
entire young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in recommended age went to middle
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school
in Europe, the opposite was true for Sub-Saharan Africa with the percentage of boys and girls getting such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
being 30% and 24%
respectively
, being less than one-third of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
of Europe.
Additionally
,
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almost
60% of
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school
children in both genders attended high
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school
in America and South Asia.

Interestingly
, the rate of women being higher than that of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
by
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almost
twofold in higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
was
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only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in America
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region
in the chart (29% and 17%
respectively
), the opposite was true for other
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regions
with the
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different
between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
of two genders being no more than 5%.
In addition
, there was
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almost
60%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
in Europe continuing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
path in college and university, being over two times as high as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
of America and South Asia,
strikingly
, higher than that of Sub-Saharan Africa by
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
six fold
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS academic The charts below show the percentage of school-aged boys and girls in secondary school and higher education in four region in the world in 2000. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
247 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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