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The graph below shows the rate of attendance for primary and secondary schools for boys and girls across the world v.2

The graph below shows the rate of attendance for primary and secondary schools for boys and girls across the world v. 2
The bar graph illustrates the percentage of students of both primary and secondary schools in three different countries such as industrialized countries, developing countries, and the least developed countries. At the onset, it is clear that girls, in primary school, have higher attendance compared to boys in industrialized countries, while the reverse is the case in developing countries. In secondary school, the percentage of boys and girls, in industrialized countries and developing countries is minimal in comparison to the least developed countries. Now, turning into the details, in primary school, the percentage of males attendance in industrialized countries is 96 %, while the proportion of females attendance in industrialized countries is 95%. Besides that, the portion of boys in developing countries, which accounts for 88%, is considerably higher than the rate of girls in developing countries, which makes up only 83%. However, the attendance of boys in the least developed countries is 6% higher than the attendance of girls. In the case of secondary school, the percentage of males and females in developed countries has almost doubled compared to the portion of males and females in developing countries. Finally, the percentage of girls from the least developed countries is 26%, which is 4% less than the rate of boys in the least developed countries.
The bar graph illustrates the
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percentage
of students of both primary and secondary
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schools
in three
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different
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countries
such as
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industrialized
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countries
,
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developing
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countries
, and the least
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developed
countries.

At the onset, it is
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clear
that
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girls
, in primary
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school
, have higher
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attendance
compared to
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boys
in
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industrialized
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countries
, while the reverse is the case in
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developing
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countries
. In secondary
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school
, the
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percentage
of
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boys
and
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girls
, in
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industrialized
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countries
and
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developing
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countries
is minimal
in comparison
to the least
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developed
countries.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, turning into the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, in primary
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school
, the
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percentage
of males
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attendance
in
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industrialized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is 96 %, while the proportion of females
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attendance
in
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industrialized
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countries
is 95%.
Besides
that, the portion of
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boys
in
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developing
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countries
, which accounts for 88%, is
considerably
higher than the rate of
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girls
in
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developing
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countries
, which
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makes
up
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only
83%.
However
, the
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attendance
of
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boys
in the least
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developed
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countries
is 6% higher than the
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attendance
of girls.

In the case of secondary
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school
, the
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percentage
of males and females in
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developed
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countries
has almost doubled compared to the portion of males and females in
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developing
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countries
.
Finally
, the
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percentage
of
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girls
from the least
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developed
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countries
is 26%, which is 4% less than the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
in the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
57Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS academic The graph below shows the rate of attendance for primary and secondary schools for boys and girls across the world v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
214 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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