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The bar charts below show the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 years by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014. v.1

The bar charts below show the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 years by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014. v. 1
The bar graphs reveal data on obesity rates among the US boys and girls between 12 and 19 years in 2004 and 2014 based on their demographics. Overall, more Hispanic boys suffered from obesity while this rate was higher among the Non-Hispanic black girls. According to the first column graph, more than one out of ten Non-Hispanic white boys who aged between 12 and 19 were corpulent in 2004. A similar percentage of boys who were Hispanic or Non-Hispanic blacks suffered from the same problem. On the contrary, 9% girls of this age group from the Non-Hispanic US citizens were overweight, slightly less than that of boys from the same ethnicity. However, the obesity rate among Non-Hispanic black girls was the highest, 16% in this year, which was 5% higher than that of boys from the same ethnic group and 7 and 4 percent higher than that of white and Hispanic girls respectively. After a decade, the percentage of obese Hispanic boys increased to 27% which was a 14% rise. Every one in five Non-Hispanic boys were overweight in 2014 which was slightly more than that of while boys. Finally, the rate of obesity among Non-Hispanic girls swelled to 29%, a 13% rise, which was higher than that of other ethnic girls. Evidently, more Hispanic boys and Non-Hispanic girls, 27 and 29% consecutively, were obese in the US in 2014 than boys and girls of other ethnicity.
The bar graphs reveal data on obesity
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rates
among the US
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boys
and
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girls
between 12 and 19 years in 2004 and 2014 based on their demographics.
Overall
, more Hispanic
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boys
suffered from obesity while this
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rate
was higher among the Non-Hispanic black girls.

According to the
first
column graph, more than one out of ten Non-Hispanic white
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
who aged between 12 and 19 were corpulent in 2004. A similar percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
who were Hispanic or Non-Hispanic blacks suffered from the same problem.
On the contrary
, 9%
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girls
of this age group from the Non-Hispanic US citizens were overweight,
slightly
less than that of
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boys
from the same ethnicity.
However
, the obesity
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rate
among Non-Hispanic black
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girls
was the highest, 16% in this year, which was 5% higher than that of
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boys
from the same ethnic group and 7 and 4 percent higher than that of white and Hispanic
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girls
respectively
.

After a decade, the percentage of obese Hispanic
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boys
increased to 27% which was a 14% rise. Every one in five Non-Hispanic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
were overweight in 2014 which was
slightly
more than that of while
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boys
.
Finally
, the
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rate
of obesity among Non-Hispanic
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girls
swelled to 29%, a 13% rise, which was higher than that of other ethnic
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girls
.
Evidently
, more Hispanic
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boys
and Non-Hispanic
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girls
, 27 and 29%
consecutively
, were obese in the US in 2014 than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
of other ethnicity.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS academic The bar charts below show the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 years by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
237 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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