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The bar chars show the number of cars per thousand people in 5 different countries in Europe in 2005, 2009 and 2010 in comparison with the average number. v.2

The bar chars show the number of cars per thousand people in 5 different countries in Europe in 2005, 2009 and 2010 in comparison with the average number. v. 2
The bar charts give information about the car ownership in 5 different countries in Europe as well as compare them with the figure of European average. Overall, the number of cars owned in five countries fluctuated slightly. The highest number of cars in the three years surveyed was possessed by Germany as compared with other four countries and even the average number of entire European countries, which was around 700 cars per thousand people. While there was no changes in the number of cars per thousand people in France all the way with the number of 700 cars, that of France still hold the second position in comparison with other four countries. Meanwhile, there was a steady decreasing in the car ownership from almost 700 cars per thousand people in 2005 to slightly below 600 in 2015, being the third highest among five countries examined though. Greece and Italy shared the similar pattern regarding to the variation in the demand for cars, with increasing to reach the highest point in 2009, followed by dropping back to in 2015. In particular, the figure of Italy was higher by almost twofold than that of Greece, which was lowest in the chart with the number being no more than 400 cars per thousand people. In addition, decreasing from 900 cars in first year surveyed to about 850 cars in 2009, Germany saw to bounce back to almost 1000 cars in the year 2015, being more by over threefold than the smallest number in the chart at the same year, Greece' s.
The bar charts give information about the
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car
ownership in 5
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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countries
in Europe
as well
as compare them with the figure of European average.

Overall
, the
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number
of
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cars
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
in five
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countries
fluctuated
slightly
. The highest
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number
of
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cars
in the three years surveyed
was possessed
by Germany as compared with other four
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countries
and even the average
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number
of entire European
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countries
, which was around 700
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cars
per thousand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

While there was no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
per thousand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in France all the way with the
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number
of 700
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cars
, that of France
still
hold the second position
in comparison
with other four
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countries
. Meanwhile, there was a steady decreasing in the
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car
ownership from almost 700
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cars
per thousand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in 2005 to
slightly
below 600 in 2015, being the third highest among five
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countries
examined though.

Greece and Italy shared the similar pattern
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
the variation in the demand for
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cars
, with increasing to reach the highest point in 2009, followed by dropping back to in 2015.
In particular
, the figure of Italy was higher by almost twofold than that of Greece, which was lowest in the chart with the
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number
being no more than 400
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cars
per thousand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
In addition
, decreasing from 900
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cars
in
first
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year
surveyed to about 850
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cars
in 2009, Germany
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saw
to bounce back to almost 1000
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cars
in the
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year
2015, being more by over threefold than the smallest
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number
in the chart at the same
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year
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Greece&
#039; s.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS academic The bar chars show the number of cars per thousand people in 5 different countries in Europe in 2005, 2009 and 2010 in comparison with the average number. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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