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The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists traveling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market. v.5

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists traveling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market. v. 5
The provided bar graph depicts the number of Japanese travellers who visited foreign countries from 1985 to 1995, whereas the line graph gives information on the market share of Australia on Japan’s tourism sector. As is presented in the bar graph, in 1985, about 5 million people from Japan travelled abroad. Interestingly, this figure was tripled by the end of next decade (15million in 19995). During this period the trend of Japanese tourers travelling abroad increased up to the year 1990. Then, in 1991 this number was slightly reduced and after that, a gradual increase was observed until 1995. As can be seen vividly, in 1985, Australia’s share remained 2 percent of Japanese tourists. Furthermore, a gradual increase was observed until 1988. But in 1989, this percentage reduced slightly and after that again increment in share was observed and this trend lasted till 1993 and that time Australia’s share was beyond 6 percent. Eventually, the percentage became equal to 6 in 1994. In conclusion, Japanese tourist travelled abroad throughout the decade and in same decade Australia’s share of Japanese tourists also increased.
The provided bar graph depicts the number of Japanese
travellers
who visited foreign countries from 1985 to 1995, whereas the line graph gives information on the market
share
of Australia on Japan’s tourism sector.

As
is presented
in the bar graph, in 1985, about 5 million
people
from Japan travelled abroad.
Interestingly
, this figure
was tripled
by the
end
of
next
decade (15million in 19995). During this period the trend of Japanese
tourers
travelling abroad increased up to the year 1990. Then, in 1991 this number was
slightly
reduced
and after that, a gradual increase
was observed
until 1995.

As can be
seen
vividly
, in 1985, Australia’s
share
remained 2 percent of Japanese tourists.
Furthermore
, a gradual increase
was observed
until 1988.
But
in 1989, this percentage
reduced
slightly
and after that again increment in
share
was observed
and this trend lasted till 1993 and that time Australia’s
share
was beyond 6 percent.
Eventually
, the percentage became equal to 6 in 1994.

In conclusion
, Japanese tourist travelled abroad throughout the decade and in same decade Australia’s
share
of Japanese tourists
also
increased.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS academic The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists traveling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market. v. 5

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
182 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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