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The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists traveling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market. v.4

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists traveling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market. v. 4
Given are two charts providing a comparison of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995, as well as the certain percentages of Japanese tourist visiting  Australia. It can be inferred from the illustration that the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad climbed steadily from 5 millions people in 1985 to approximately 11 millions in 1990. But in 1991, the Japanese travellers decrease steadily to 10. 5 millions. Before soaring to a staggering 15 millions in 1995, the number of travellers remained stable between 1992 and 1994 with 13 million travellers. It is also interesting to note that only 2 percent out of 5 million travellers in 1985 went to Australia. The percentages of the Japanese tourists in Australi went up steadily to 5 percent from 9. 5 million in 1989. However, in 1990, the percentages slipped to approximately 4. 2 percent. By far the highest percentages of Japanese visited Australia in 1994 with 6. 2 percent from 13. 5 million people, by contrast in last year, the percentages dropped steadily to 6 percent out of 15 million travellers.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
are two charts providing a comparison of Japanese
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tourists
travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995,
as well
as the certain
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percentages
of Japanese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
visiting
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Australia.

It can
be inferred
from the illustration that the number of Japanese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
travelling abroad climbed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steadily
from 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in 1985 to approximately 11
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millions
in 1990.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in 1991, the Japanese
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
decrease
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steadily
to 10. 5
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millions
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
soaring to a staggering 15
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millions
in 1995, the number of
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
remained stable between 1992 and 1994 with 13
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million
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
.

It is
also
interesting to note that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2
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percent
out of 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
in 1985 went to Australia. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
of the Japanese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Australi
went up
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steadily
to 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
from 9. 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in 1989.
However
, in 1990, the
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percentages
slipped to approximately 4. 2
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percent
. By far the highest
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percentages
of Japanese visited Australia in 1994 with 6. 2
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percent
from 13. 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, by contrast in last year, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
dropped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steadily
to 6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
out of 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS academic The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists traveling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market. v. 4

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
179 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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