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The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists traveling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market. v.3

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists traveling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market. v. 3
The charts present data on the number of Japanese holidaymakers who travelled overseas over 11 years, from 1985 to 1995, and the percentage of Japanese tourist market for Australia. It is evident from the graphs that more Japanese toured overseas during this period and the number of Australia visiting travellers soared. As the illustration suggests, from 5 million holidaymakers in 1985, the number of Japan's travellers experienced an exponential growth to somewhere in the vicinity of 11 million in 1990 before decreasing slightly in 1991. Furthermore, its rate soared again from almost 12 millions in 1992 to just over 14 millions in 1995. Moreover, from a negligible 2 percent in 1985, the percentage of Japan's tourist market rose gradually approximately 5 percent before falling back to somewhere 4. 5 percent in 1990. In addition, its percentage reached a peak more than 6 percent in 1994 and fell back to 6 percent in 1995. It is evident that more Japanese travelled Australia in later years that they did in early years and the growth was steady.
The charts present data on the number of Japanese holidaymakers who travelled overseas over 11 years, from 1985 to 1995, and the percentage of Japanese tourist market for Australia. It is evident from the graphs that more Japanese toured overseas during this period and the number of Australia visiting
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
soared.

As the illustration suggests, from 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
holidaymakers in 1985, the number of Japan's
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
experienced an exponential growth to somewhere in the vicinity of 11
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in 1990
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
decreasing
slightly
in 1991.
Furthermore
, its rate soared again from almost 12
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
in 1992 to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 14
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
in 1995.
Moreover
, from a negligible 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 1985, the percentage of Japan's tourist market rose
gradually
approximately 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
falling back to somewhere 4. 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 1990.
In addition
, its percentage reached a peak more than 6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 1994 and fell back to 6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 1995. It is evident that more Japanese travelled Australia in later years that they did in early years and the growth was steady.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS academic The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists traveling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market. v. 3

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
175 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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