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The graph shows Internet Usage in Taiwan by Age Group, 1998-2000. v.2

The graph shows Internet Usage in Taiwan by Age Group, 1998-2000. v. 2
The column graph depicts the proportion of Taiwanese internet users categorising them in four different age groups between 1998 and 2000. Generally speaking, young Taiwanese internet users were significantly higher than the internet users from other age groups. In 1998, 53% of the total Taiwanese internet users were between 16 and 30 years old. This figure was significantly higher, by 12% than those aged 31-50 years old. Internet usage in minors and those over 50 years old were less than 5%. Next year, the percentage of internet users dropped by 2-8%, except for those less than 15 years old. Their rate raised by fourfold and for those over 50 years old, doubled. In 2000, the figures for age groups 16-30 and 31-50 went down slightly by 1-2%, whereas it increased at the same rate for those aged less than 15 and over 50. Based on the information given, it can be deduced that the proportion of age groups using the internet in Taiwan minimally changed in a span of 3 years. It is also noticeable that while internet usage in teens and adults dropped slightly, the figures for both children and elders grew by almost twofold.
The column graph depicts the proportion of Taiwanese internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
Possible spelling mistake. 'categorising' is British English.
categorising
them in four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups between 1998 and 2000.
Generally
speaking, young Taiwanese internet
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users
were
significantly
higher than the internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups.

In 1998, 53% of the total Taiwanese internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
were between 16 and 30 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
. This figure was
significantly
higher, by 12% than those aged 31-50 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
. Internet usage in minors and those over 50 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
were less than 5%.

Next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, the percentage of internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
dropped by 2-8%,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
those less than 15 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
. Their rate raised by fourfold and for those over 50 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
, doubled. In 2000, the figures for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups 16-30 and 31-50 went down
slightly
by 1-2%, whereas it increased at the same rate for those aged less than 15 and over 50.

Based on the information
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
, it can
be deduced
that the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups using the internet in Taiwan
minimally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in a span of 3 years. It is
also
noticeable that while internet usage in teens and adults dropped
slightly
, the figures for both children and elders grew by almost twofold.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS academic The graph shows Internet Usage in Taiwan by Age Group, 1998-2000. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
196 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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