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The table below shows the changes in the percentage of people joining in seven different sports in a European country from 1999 to 2009. v.2

The table below shows the changes in the percentage of people joining in seven different sports in a European country from 1999 to 2009. v. 2
The table compares the proportion of people joining in various sports in Europe in three years, namely 1999, 2004 and 2009. In general, there was a significant decrease in the percentage of players who took part in football and basketball, while an opposite trend could be seen in the figure for any other sports in this nation. In particular, the proportion of people participating in football was the highest compared to any other sports over the period shown. In 1999, the proportion of people joining in football stood at 57%, more than 32% and 25% compared to tennis and swimming orderly. At the same time, 26% of people in the UK took part in basketball, while the figures for volleyball, yoga, and golf were lower, at 17%, 10%, and 8% respectively. The period from 1999 and 2009 saw a significant fall in the percentage of people who took part in football, followed by a significant decrease of 9% at the end of the period. Meanwhile, the UK saw a considerable rise of 8% and 2% of the figures for tennis and swimming respectively. On the other hand, those of golf and yoga declined slightly in 2009, at 17% and 13% orderly. Finally, basketball decreased slightly, and this figure rose to 24% in 2009, while the figure for volleyball increased to 20%, before falling to 18%.
The table compares the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
joining in various sports in Europe in three years,
namely
1999, 2004 and 2009.

In general
, there was a significant decrease in the percentage of players who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
and basketball, while an opposite trend could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for any other sports in this nation.
In particular
, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
was the highest compared to any other sports over the period shown.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
1999, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
joining in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
stood at 57%, more than 32% and 25% compared to tennis and swimming orderly.

At the same time, 26% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in basketball, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
for volleyball, yoga, and golf were lower, at 17%, 10%, and 8%
respectively
. The period
Nonstandard phrase. Did you mean: "from 1999 to 2009"?
from 1999 and 2009
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a significant fall in the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
, followed by a significant decrease of 9% at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period.

Meanwhile, the UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a considerable rise of 8% and 2% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
for tennis and swimming
respectively
.
On the other hand
, those of golf and yoga declined
slightly
in 2009, at 17% and 13% orderly.
Finally
, basketball decreased
slightly
, and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
rose to 24% in 2009, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for volleyball increased to 20%,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
falling to 18%.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS academic The table below shows the changes in the percentage of people joining in seven different sports in a European country from 1999 to 2009. v. 2

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
225 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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