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3. The pie charts below show electricity generation by source in New Zealand and Germany in 1908 and 2010 v.2

3. The pie charts below show electricity generation by source in New Zealand and Germany in 1908 and 2010 v. 2
The pie charts illustrate the information about the amount of fuel used in the electricity industry in two different countries in 1980 and 2010 from 5 fuel sources. Overall, more units of electricity were produced in 2010 than 1980. In 2010, most electricity was produced by nuclear power in German and by coal in New Zealand. In 1980, total electricity production was higher in New Zealand than in Germany, at 127 units and 107 units respectively. However, in 2010, this figure was 200 units and 214 units in New Zealand and Germany respectively. On the one hand, in 1980, electricity which was produced by petroleum was highest in New Zealand, at 56 units. This figure still was on top in 2010, at 150 units. This figure saw quickly decline during the 30-year period, at only 2 units in 2010. Petroleum was lowest in two years, at 11 units and 2 units in 1980 and 2010 respectively. On the other hand, in 1980, electricity which was produced by natural gas was highest. However, in 2010, this figure noticed sharply drop during the period of 30 years, it was lowest, at 2 units. Meanwhile, the figure of nuclear was third in 1980, at 20 units. This figure was highest in 2010, at 155 units.
The pie charts illustrate the information about the amount of fuel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
industry in two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries in 1980 and 2010 from 5 fuel sources.
Overall
, more
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units
of
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electricity
were
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produced
in 2010 than 1980. In 2010, most
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electricity
was
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produced
by nuclear power in German and by coal in
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New
Zealand.

In 1980, total
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electricity
production was higher in
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New
Zealand than in Germany, at 127
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units
and 107
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units
respectively
.
However
, in 2010, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
was 200
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
and 214
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
Zealand and Germany
respectively
.

On the one hand, in 1980,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
which was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
produced
by petroleum was highest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
Zealand, at 56
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
. This
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figure
still
was on top in 2010, at 150
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
quickly
decline during the 30-year period, at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
in 2010. Petroleum was lowest in two years, at 11
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
and 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
in 1980 and 2010
respectively
.

On the other hand
, in 1980,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
which was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
produced
by natural gas was highest.
However
, in 2010, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
noticed
sharply
drop during the period of 30 years, it was lowest, at 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
. Meanwhile, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
of nuclear was third in 1980, at 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
was highest in 2010, at 155
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS academic 3. The pie charts below show electricity generation by source in New Zealand and Germany in 1908 and 2010 v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
212 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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