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The charts below show the average number of calories(that is, amount of energy in food and drink) that a person consumes daily in five countries, and the percentage of the adult population that was overweight or obese in 2013 in those countries. Summarize v.1

The charts below show the average number of calories(that is, amount of energy in food and drink) that a person consumes daily in five countries, and the percentage of the adult population that was overweight or obese in 2013 in those countries. Summarize v. 1
The given charts depict the mean amount of calories gained by a person daily and the percentage of overweight adult population in 2013 in five different countries. The recommended daily calorie limit for men is around 2400 calories, and that of the women is around 2100 calories. USA, Italy and UK over achieved the advised daily calorie intake, while Democratic Republic of Congo fell short of it by large. India failed to meet the recommended daily calorie consumption for men. The people of USA on average consumed the maximum calories in a day which was 3750 calories, in contrast to citizens of Democratic Republic of Congo who had the least at 1590 calories. USA had the largest percentage of obese adult population which was around 70%, whereas Democratic Republic of Congo had 30% overweight people, being the least among the five countries. Italy, UK and India respectively had 68%, 65% and 43% of mature obese individuals. So, to conclude, the people of USA had the maximum calories daily and a large percentage of them were obese while the citizens of Democratic Republic of Congo consumed the least calories along with the lowest percentage of obese adults.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
charts depict the mean amount of calories gained by a person
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daily
and the
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percentage
of overweight adult population in 2013 in five
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different
countries.

The recommended
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daily
calorie limit for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
is around 2400 calories, and that of the women is around 2100 calories. USA, Italy and UK over achieved the advised
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daily
calorie intake, while
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Democratic
Republic of Congo fell short of it by large. India failed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the recommended
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daily
calorie consumption for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the USA".
of USA
on average consumed the maximum calories in a day which was 3750 calories,
in contrast
to citizens of
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Democratic
Republic of Congo who had the least at 1590 calories.

USA had the largest
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percentage
of
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obese
adult population which was around 70%, whereas
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Democratic
Republic of Congo had 30% overweight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, being the least among the five countries. Italy, UK and India
respectively
had 68%, 65% and 43% of mature
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obese
individuals.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
to conclude
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the USA".
of USA
had the maximum calories
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daily
and a large
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percentage
of them were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
obese
while the citizens of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Democratic
Republic of Congo consumed the least calories along with the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
obese
adults.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
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IELTS academic The charts below show the average number of calories(that is, amount of energy in food and drink) that a person consumes daily in five countries, and the percentage of the adult population that was overweight or obese in 2013 in those countries. Summarize v. 1

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
196 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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