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The charts below give Information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy In 2000 and projections for 2050. v.4

The charts below give Information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy In 2000 and projections for 2050. v. 4
The supplied pie charts depict populations of different ages in Yemen and Italy in 2000 and give predictions for 2050 based on people’s age. In general, both countries, Yemen and Italy, are forecasted to have adolescent and adult as the vast majority of populations in 2050. Looking at the details, in Yemen in 2000, children and teens accounted the biggest proportion of citizen, 50. 1%. In contrast, senior population was the lowest proportion of population, only 3. 6%. Meanwhile, young adults and adults amassed 46. 3% of total population. However, it is predicted that in 2050, the number of adult population will dominate significantly the proportion of people abiding in Yemen, 57. 3% and approximately 10% higher than in 2000. Vice versa, percentage of people aged 0-14 years will be decreased to 37%, about 13% lower than in 2000. Seniors will be remained as the tiniest fraction among all age categories, only 5. 7% in 2002. Meanwhile, In Italy, adult reckoned the highest 61. 6% of the total citizen in 2000, followed by the elderly people's percentage which came in the second place, 24. 1% and toddlers and children counted only 14. 3%. In 2050, it is forecasted that adult population will still be the highest proportion, 46. 2% and the number of seniors will be about 42. 3%, almost twice higher than in 2000. On the other hand, children’s percentage will be declined to only 11. 5%.
The supplied pie charts depict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
populations
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ages in Yemen and Italy in 2000 and give predictions for 2050 based on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s age.
In general
, both countries, Yemen and Italy,
are forecasted
to have adolescent and adult as the vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
populations
in 2050.

Looking at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, in Yemen in 2000, children and teens accounted the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of citizen, 50. 1%.
In contrast
, senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
was the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
,
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only
3. 6%. Meanwhile, young
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adults
and
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adults
amassed 46. 3% of total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
.
However
, it
is predicted
that in 2050, the number of adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
will dominate
significantly
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
abiding in Yemen, 57. 3% and approximately 10% higher than in 2000. Vice versa, percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aged 0-14 years will
be decreased
to 37%, about 13% lower than in 2000. Seniors will
be remained
as the tiniest fraction among all age categories,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
5. 7% in 2002.

Meanwhile, In Italy, adult reckoned the highest 61. 6% of the total citizen in 2000, followed by the elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's percentage which came in the second place, 24. 1% and toddlers and children counted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
14. 3%. In 2050, it
is forecasted
that adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
will
still
be the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
, 46. 2% and the number of seniors will be about 42. 3%, almost twice higher than in 2000.
On the other hand
, children’s percentage will
be declined
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
11. 5%.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS academic The charts below give Information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy In 2000 and projections for 2050. v. 4

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
238 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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