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The charts below give information about USA marriage and divorce rates between 1970 and 2000, and the marital status of adult Americans in two of the years. v.3

The charts below give information about USA marriage and divorce rates between 1970 and 2000, and the marital status of adult Americans in two of the years. v. 3
The given bar graphs show information about marriage and divorce rate of USA from 1970 to 2000 and also illustrate marital status in two years 1970 and 2000. According to the first bar graph, as it can be seen clearly, initially marriage rate of USA was 2. 5 million in the year 1970 which remained constant after one decade and started receding slightly afterwards. The total marriage rate in the USA remained exactly 2 million in the year 2000 respectively. On contrary, as is observed from the bar chart, in 1970 divorce rate was one million which magnified to 1. 4 million after a decade but again dropping trend can be seen. And finally, divorce rate slumped to one million which was its initial state. On the other hand, as is presented in another bar graph, in 1970 total adult people were married by 70% while 15 % never got married. Widowed and divorced status remained just under 10% in 1970 which dropped to 3% approximately in the year 2000. Divorce status increased but remained under 10% but very close to 10%.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar graphs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
information about marriage and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
divorce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the USA".
of USA
from 1970 to 2000 and
also
illustrate marital status in two years 1970 and 2000.

According to the
first
bar graph, as it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
clearly
,
initially
marriage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the USA".
of USA
was 2. 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1970 which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remained
constant after one decade and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
receding
slightly
afterwards. The total marriage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in the USA
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remained
exactly 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2000
respectively
.

On contrary, as
is observed
from the bar chart, in 1970
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
divorce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
was one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
which magnified to 1. 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
after a decade
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
again dropping trend can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
. And
finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
divorce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
slumped to one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
which was its initial state.

On the other hand
, as
is presented
in another bar graph, in 1970 total adult
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were married
by 70% while 15 % never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
married. Widowed and divorced status
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remained
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 10% in 1970 which dropped to 3% approximately in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2000.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Divorce
status increased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remained
under 10%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
close to 10%.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS academic The charts below give information about USA marriage and divorce rates between 1970 and 2000, and the marital status of adult Americans in two of the years. v. 3

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
182 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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