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The diagrams below show the life cycle of the silkworm and the stages in the production of silk cloth. v.1

The diagrams below show the life cycle of the silkworm and the stages in the production of silk cloth. v. 1
The given pictorial show the life cycle of the silkworm and also shows the processes of silk cloth productions. The life cycle of a silkworm begins from the eggs laid by the mother worm and from these eggs the silkworm larvae are generated after 10 days. The silkworm larva usually eats leaves like mulberry leaves and completes the second stage of the life cycle in 4-6 weeks. In their third stage, they create silk thread shells and remain there for another 3 to 8 days and then create an oval cocoon. The cocoon stage lasts for around 16 days and they become moth in the final stage. With time the moths become grown-up and recycle the processes again. The second picture describes the processes of the silk cloth production which have more than 5 stages. In the initial stage, the silk thread shells of the silkworm are selected and then boiled in the next stage. After boiling in water the threads are unwinded and they are usually 300 to 900 meter long. Then these are twisted and dyed and finally, those are weaved to silks. The twisting, dying, weaving and then dying again the process is done more than once as per necessary to produce fine quality silks.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pictorial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the life cycle of the silkworm and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
processes
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
silk
cloth productions.

The life cycle of a silkworm
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
from the eggs laid by the mother worm and from these eggs the silkworm larvae
are generated
after 10 days.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
silkworm larva
usually
eats
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
like mulberry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
and completes the second
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stage
of the life cycle in 4-6 weeks. In their third
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stage
, they create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
silk
thread shells and remain there for another 3 to 8 days and then create an oval cocoon. The cocoon
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stage
lasts for around 16
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
days and
they become moth in the final
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
. With time the moths become grown-up and recycle the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
processes
again.

The second picture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
the
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processes
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
silk
cloth production which have more than 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stages
. In the initial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
silk
thread shells of the silkworm
are selected
and then boiled in the
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
. After boiling in water the threads are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
unwinded and
they are
usually
300 to 900
Possible agreement error. The noun 'meter' seems to be countable, so consider using: "meters".
meter
long. Then these
are twisted
and dyed and
finally
, those are
Consider using a past participle here: "woven".
weaved
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
silks
. The twisting, dying, weaving and then dying again the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
is done
more than once as per necessary to produce fine quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
silks
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS academic The diagrams below show the life cycle of the silkworm and the stages in the production of silk cloth. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
208 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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