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The diagrams below show the life cycle of the silkworm and the stages in the production of silk cloth. v.2

The diagrams below show the life cycle of the silkworm and the stages in the production of silk cloth. v. 2
The two given pictures describe the life cycle of silkworm and also illustrate the procedure of silk cloth production. As is presented in the first picture life cycle of silkworm begins with eggs laid by mother worm. Silkworm eggs transform into the shape of silkworm larva after around 10 days. Then the second process starts, and in this stage larva usually, eat leaves like mulberry leaves in order to grow up. Food process lasts 4 to 6 weeks. Larva generates silk threads shells at the end of the second stage. The third stage begins when silk thread shells create cocoons, this process usually lasts for 3 to 8 days. In the final stage, cocoons transform into moths after 16 days. And moths grow up and recycle whole procedure step by step. As is observed from the second picture, which describes the producing of silk cloth from silkworm, total stages of silk cloth production are five. Initially, in the first stage, silk thread shells are selected and boiled into hot water. Shells are unwinded properly and unwinded shells are exactly 300 to 900m long. Then threads are twisted and dyed in dyers. And finally, those silks are weaved and again dyed. The process of twist and dry, weave and dry possibly repeated if it is necessary to produce high-quality silk cloth.
The two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pictures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
the life cycle of silkworm and
also
illustrate the procedure of
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silk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cloth
production.

“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
is presented
in the
first
picture life cycle of silkworm
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
with eggs laid by mother worm. Silkworm eggs transform into the shape of silkworm larva after around 10 days. Then the second
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process
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
, and in this
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stage
larva
usually
, eat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
like mulberry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
in order to grow up.

Food
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process
lasts 4 to 6 weeks. Larva generates
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silk
threads shells at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the second
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stage
. The third
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stage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
when
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silk
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thread
shells create cocoons, this
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process
usually
lasts for 3 to 8 days. In the final
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
, cocoons transform into moths after 16 days. And moths grow up and recycle whole procedure step by step.

As
is observed
from the second picture, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
the producing of
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silk
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cloth
from silkworm, total
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stages
of
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silk
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cloth
production are five.
Initially
, in the
first
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stage
,
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silk
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thread
shells
are selected
and boiled into hot water. Shells are
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "unwound", the past tense form of the verb 'unwind'?
unwinded
properly
and
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "unwound", the past tense form of the verb 'unwind'?
unwinded
shells are exactly 300 to
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "900 m"
900m
long. Then threads
are twisted
and dyed in dyers. And
finally
, those
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silks
are
Consider using a past participle here: "woven".
weaved
and again dyed.

The
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process
of twist and dry, weave and dry
possibly
repeated if it is necessary to produce high-quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
silk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cloth
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS academic The diagrams below show the life cycle of the silkworm and the stages in the production of silk cloth. v. 2

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
220 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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