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The chart shows the total number of minutes (in millions) of telephone calls in Finland, divided into three categories, from 1995 – 2004. v.2

The chart shows the total number of minutes (in millions) of telephone calls in Finland, divided into three categories, from 1995 – 2004. v. 2
The figure elucidates the amount number of minutes of telephone calls in Finland in three different indicators between 1995 and 2004. At first glance, it is evident that the most noticeable changes occurred for telephone calls in local-landline in comparison with other aspects and is measured in minutes (millions). To begin with, 1995 to 2001 witnessed a dramatic upsurge for the total of telephone calls in local-landline categories where it, initially, stood at 12000 and peaked roughly to well above a half of 32000 in 2001. Unfortunately, it plunged sharply, plummeting to 12000 by the end of the period shown. In contrast, there was a gradual growth in the number of national and international landline from 1995, which made up at 6000, to 2004, which constituted at well under two-thirds of 18000. Following the same pattern as national and international landline, in the first 5 years, the number of telephone calls for mobiles’ category experienced slight progress and achieved approximately to just across 2000 in four-sixths of 3000. Afterwards, it, erratically, uplifted highly to just below 10000 in 2004.
The figure elucidates the amount number of minutes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
in Finland in three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
indicators between 1995 and 2004. At
first
glance, it is evident that the most noticeable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
occurred for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
in local-landline
in comparison
with other aspects and
is measured
in minutes (millions).

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, 1995 to 2001 witnessed a dramatic upsurge for the total of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
in local-landline categories where it,
initially
, stood at 12000 and peaked roughly to well above a half of 32000 in 2001. Unfortunately, it plunged
sharply
, plummeting to 12000 by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period shown.

In contrast
, there was a gradual growth in the number of national and international landline from 1995, which made up at 6000, to 2004, which constituted at well under two-thirds of 18000. Following the same pattern as national and international landline, in the
first
5 years, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
for mobiles’ category experienced slight progress and achieved approximately to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
across 2000 in four-sixths of 3000. Afterwards, it,
erratically
, uplifted
highly
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 10000 in 2004.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS academic The chart shows the total number of minutes (in millions) of telephone calls in Finland, divided into three categories, from 1995 – 2004. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
179 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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