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The chart below shows the total volume of telephone calls (in million minutes) in Denmark, divided into three categories, from 1995- 2004. v.1

The chart below shows the total volume of telephone calls (in million minutes) in Denmark, divided into three categories, from 1995- 2004. v. 1
The line graph compares the duration of national landline, international landline and cell phone calls made by citizens of Denmark between 1995 and 2004. Generally speaking, use of mobile phones by Danes increased remarkably after mid-2000 while the use of national fixed lines declined steeply after 2001. As the diagram suggests, national landline calls made by Danes accounted for almost 12 million minutes in 1995 at which point Danes dialled about 6 million minutes of international calls and less than one million minutes' call using mobile phones. The duration of conversation made by mobile phones gradually grew till the mid-2000, after which it skyrocketed till the mid-2004. Danes made more than 2 million minutes' mobile calls during 2000 while it soared to approximately 12 million minutes in the mid-2004. Interestingly, the popularity of mobile phones cut the duration of calls made by the national fixed lines but the use of landlines for international calls slowly rose over the time. During 2004, more than 7 million minutes of international call were made by Danes which was one million higher than that of 1995 using fixed lines. Finally, local landline calls went as high as 15 million minutes in the mid-2001 but after a steady decline it went down as low as 8 million minutes in 2004.
The
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line
graph compares the duration of
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national
landline,
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international
landline and cell
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phone
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calls
made by citizens of Denmark between 1995 and 2004.
Generally
speaking,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
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phones
by Danes increased
remarkably
after mid-2000 while the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
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national
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
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lines
declined
steeply
after 2001.

As the diagram suggests,
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national
landline
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calls
made by Danes accounted for almost 12
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million
minutes in 1995 at which point Danes
Possible spelling mistake found.
dialled
about 6
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million
minutes of
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international
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calls
and less than one
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million
minutes'
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call
using mobile
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phones
. The duration of conversation made by mobile
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phones
gradually
grew till the mid-2000, after which it skyrocketed till the mid-2004. Danes made more than 2
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million
minutes' mobile
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calls
during 2000 while it soared to approximately 12
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million
minutes in the mid-2004.
Interestingly
, the popularity of mobile
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phones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
the duration of
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calls
made by the
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national
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
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lines
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of landlines for
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international
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calls
slowly
rose over the time. During 2004, more than 7
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million
minutes of
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international
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call
were made
by Danes which was one
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million
higher than that of 1995 using
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fixed
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lines
.
Finally
, local landline
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calls
went as high as 15
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million
minutes in the mid-2001
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but
after a steady decline it went down as low as 8
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million
minutes in 2004.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS academic The chart below shows the total volume of telephone calls (in million minutes) in Denmark, divided into three categories, from 1995- 2004. v. 1

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
215 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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