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The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in millions) of telephone calls in Finland, divided into three categories, from 1995 – 2004. v.1

The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in millions) of telephone calls in Finland, divided into three categories, from 1995 – 2004. v. 1
The given bar graph shows data on the three types of calls made by Finnish citizens from 1995 to 2004. As is given on the graph, most Finish citizens made local landline calls while the mobile phone usages increased over the time. Initially, in 1995, Finnish people made 12000 million minutes of local landline calls while the national & international calling time was half of that. Very few mobile calls were made in this year. But over time the mobile calling time increased steadily and reached to about 8000 million minutes in 2003. The local calling was the most popular way of calling throughout the period but after 2001, this way of calling kept decreasing with the popularity of mobile phones and national & international calling. Mobile phone calling increased more compared to the other two ways of calling and the trends shows that over time the local landline usages declined while the other two ways of calling increased. In summary, local landline calling in Finland is higher than mobile and national & international calling throughout the given period and total mobile phone calling time had increased more quickly than other two ways of calling.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
data on the three types of
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calls
made by Finnish citizens from 1995 to 2004. As is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
on the graph, most Finish citizens made
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local
landline
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calls
while the mobile
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phone
usages
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increased
over the time.

Initially
, in 1995, Finnish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
made 12000 million minutes of
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local
landline
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calls
while the national & international calling
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time
was half of that.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Very
few mobile
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calls
were made
in this year.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
over
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time
the mobile calling
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time
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increased
steadily
and reached to about 8000 million minutes in 2003. The
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local
calling was the most popular
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way
of calling throughout the period
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after 2001, this
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way
of calling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
decreasing with the popularity of mobile
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phones
and national & international calling. Mobile
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phone
calling
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increased
more compared to the other two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of calling and the trends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that over
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time
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
landline usages declined while the other two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of calling increased.

In summary,
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local
landline calling in Finland is higher than mobile and national & international calling throughout the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period and total mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
calling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
had
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increased
more
quickly
than other two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of calling.
0Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS academic The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in millions) of telephone calls in Finland, divided into three categories, from 1995 – 2004. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
195 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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