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The chart shows the number of mobile phones and landlines per 100 people in selected countries. v.3

The chart shows the number of mobile phones and landlines per 100 people in selected countries. v. 3
The bar graph shows the ratio of cell phone and landline users in 7 countries, namely - Canada, US, Germany, Denmark, UK, Sweden and Italy. It is apparently seen that mobile phones are more widely used in the UK, Germany, Sweden and Italy while more percentages of Canadians, Americans and Danes use the fixed phone lines. As the diagram suggests, six out of ten Canadians use landlines while almost 70% Americans had land phones. On contrary to that, almost 40% Canadians prefer mobile phones while almost half of the Americans use cell phones. Mobile phone ownership in Germany and Denmark was 70% and 80% respectively and Danes use more mobile and landlines in average than citizens in other countries. Mobile phones were more popular among British, Swedish and Italian citizens as their ownership ratio falls between 80 to 90 percent, significantly higher than that of Canada, and the US. In summary, Danes use the highest proportion of phones (both landlines and cell phones). Mobile phones are prefered by British, Swedish, German and Italian while a dominance of landlines is obvious in the rest of the countries.
The bar graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the ratio of cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
and landline users in 7 countries,
namely
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
Canada, US, Germany, Denmark, UK, Sweden and Italy. It is
apparently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that mobile
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phones
are more
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the UK, Germany, Sweden and Italy while more percentages of Canadians, Americans and Danes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
lines.

As the diagram suggests, six out of ten Canadians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
landlines while almost 70% Americans had land
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
. On contrary to that, almost 40% Canadians prefer mobile
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phones
while almost half of the Americans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
. Mobile
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phone
ownership in Germany and Denmark was 70% and 80%
respectively
and Danes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
more mobile and landlines in average than citizens in other countries. Mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
were more popular among British, Swedish and Italian citizens as their ownership ratio falls
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 80 and 90".
between 80 to 90
percent,
significantly
higher than that of Canada, and the US.

In summary, Danes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the highest proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
(both landlines and cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones)
. Mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "preferred", the past tense form of the verb 'prefer'?
prefered
by British, Swedish, German and Italian while a dominance of landlines is obvious in the rest of the countries.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS academic The chart shows the number of mobile phones and landlines per 100 people in selected countries. v. 3

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
186 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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