Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening. ) v.1

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening. ) v. 1
The graph shows data between married men and women of the number of hours spent per week on unpaid work. At first glance at the chart, it is noticeable that from all the three categories (without children, with 1-2 children and with 3 or more children), married women spend more hours involved in unpaid work such as housework, gardening and childcare than expected from men. Married women with children spend more time than without children as the chart shows while having more than three children have invested around 60 hours of unpaid work. This is probably due to the extra load of housework and childcare that is evidently needed to run such a big family. Furthermore, though there are visible variations of the number of hours of unpaid work carried out by married women, there is no significant variation among all three categories for married men in terms of work hours that are not paid (30 or fewer hours). In fact, it is observed that married men with three or more children spent slightly less number of unpaid work hours. This might be due to the high requirement of commitment needed for a paid job to meet financial requirements for a big family. In conclusion, married women with three or more children spent the highest number of hours, yet married women from all categories spent a dramatically higher number of hours for unpaid work than married men.
The graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
data between married
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
per week on unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. At
first
glance at the chart, it is noticeable that from all the three categories (without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, with 1-2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and with 3 or more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children)
, married
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
involved in unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
such as housework, gardening and childcare than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. Married
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend more time than without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as the chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
while having more than three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have invested around 60
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This is
probably
due to the extra load of housework and childcare
that is
evidently
needed to run such a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
family.

Furthermore
, though there are visible variations of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
carried out by married
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, there is no significant variation among all three categories for married
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
that are not paid (30 or fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours)
. In fact, it
is observed
that married
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
with three or more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
slightly
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. This might be due to the high requirement of commitment needed for a paid job to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
financial requirements for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
family.

In conclusion
, married
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
with three or more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
,
yet
married
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
from all categories
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
a
dramatically
higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
for unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
than married
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS academic The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening. ) v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
237 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts