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The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening. ) v.3

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening. ) v. 3
The given diagram presents information on average weekly unpaid working hours of married men and women according to their family members’ number (without children, 1-2 children, with 3 children). It is clear that women spend more time doing the unpaid works than men do. The unpaid works mainly involve household and child upbringing works like housework, taking care of children, and gardening. As is illustrated in the diagram, more the number of children the more unpaid working hours could be observed in the case of women and the reverse scenario is true for unpaid working hours of men. Women without children work about 30 hours of unpaid works per week while it is about 17 hours for men without children. The unpaid working hours increases significantly when a married woman has children. For 1-2 children this working hour stands at over 50 hours per week and for 3+ children it reaches to about 60 hours. Interestingly, the weekly unpaid working hours for married men decrease very slightly with the increase of children in the family. While a man works for about 17 hours of unpaid tasks weekly if has no child this working hour decreases to nearly 16 when he has children. This is a possibility because women most of the time stay at home and do more household and child-rearing tasks than men do. Men, on the other hand, work outside and do less household related tasks. Again married women with children need to work more on such tasks than married women without children.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
diagram presents information on average weekly unpaid
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working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of married
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men
and
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women
according to their family members’ number (without
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children
, 1-2
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children
, with 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children)
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
spend more time doing the unpaid works than
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men
do. The unpaid works
mainly
involve household and child upbringing works like housework, taking care of
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children
, and gardening.

As
is illustrated
in the diagram, more the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the more unpaid
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working
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hours
could
be observed
in the case of
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women
and the reverse scenario is true for unpaid
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working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of
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men
.
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Women
without
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children
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work
about 30
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hours
of unpaid works per week while it is about 17
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hours
for
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men
without
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children
. The unpaid
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working
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hours
increases
significantly
when a married woman has
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children
. For 1-2
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children
this
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working
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hour
stands at over 50
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hours
per week and for 3+
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children
it reaches to about 60
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hours
.
Interestingly
, the weekly unpaid
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working
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hours
for married
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men
decrease
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
slightly
with the increase of
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children
in the family. While a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
works for about 17
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hours
of unpaid
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tasks
weekly if has no child this
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working
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hour
decreases to
nearly
16 when he has children.

This is a possibility
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
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women
most of the time stay at home and do more household and child-rearing
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tasks
than
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men
do.
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Men
,
on the other hand
,
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work
outside and do less household related
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tasks
. Again married
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women
with
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children
need to
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work
more on such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
than married
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
53Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS academic The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening. ) v. 3

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
255 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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