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The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening. ) v.2

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening. ) v. 2
The given line graph compares the hours of non-paid jobs done by male and female with different numbers of children in an average week. As is observed from the graphs, women worked significantly more hours than men for the household works like child caring, gardening etc. Also, the number of hourly works done as unpaid works got higher with the increase of child number. As is presented in the line graph, married women work around 30 hours per week for household unpaid works while the men from the same category work for only 18 hours. The works done by females with 1-2 children per week is more than 50 hours and with 3 plus children, the work done by females is 60 hours. Interestingly, the volume of unpaid jobs done by males does not change with the number of offsprings they have except for the men with more than three kids who works even less unpaid household works. In conclusion, we can say that the volume of unpaid works like household works and child caring increases for women with the increase of their children's number but for men, this remains the same. And female works significantly more hours for that type of household works than the men do.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
line graph compares the
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hours
of non-paid jobs done by male and
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female
with
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different
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numbers
of children in an average week. As
is observed
from the graphs, women worked
significantly
more
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hours
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
works like child caring, gardening etc.
Also
, the
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number
of hourly works done as unpaid works
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
higher with the increase of child number.

As
is presented
in the line graph, married women
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work
around 30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per week for
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household
unpaid works while the
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men
from the same category
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
18
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hours
. The works done by
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females
with 1-2 children per week is more than 50
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hours
and with 3 plus children, the
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work
done by
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females
is 60
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hours
.
Interestingly
, the volume of unpaid jobs done by males does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
with the
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number
of
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
the
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men
with more than three kids who
Did you mean "work"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'kids' should be used.
works
even less unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
works.

In conclusion
, we can say that the volume of unpaid works like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
works and child caring increases for women with the increase of their children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for
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men
, this remains the same. And
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female
works
significantly
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
for that type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
works than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
do.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS academic The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening. ) v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
208 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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