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The chart shows student expenditure over a three-year period in the United Kingdom. v.1

The chart shows student expenditure over a three-year period in the United Kingdom. v. 1
The bar graph compares the expenses of students who were less than 26 years old and were in higher studies in the UK. It was presented based on the ‘Student Income and Expenditure Survey’ conducted by the Department for Education and Employment. The data is for the years 1996 and 1999 and the expenditures were classified into 7 main categories. Overall, expenses by those students on food, course fees, bills, accommodations and non-essential travels decreased whereas the amount spent on entertainment, credit repayment, and essential travels increased. As the data suggests, entertainment drained the highest amount of money both in 1996 and 1999 and the expenses on food, accommodation, household goods, non-essential travels and course decreased in 1999. Students in the UK spent 26% for entertainment in 1996 and after three years, it increased to 31%. They spent 23% for their accommodation in 1996 and it dipped to 20% in 1999. A similar pattern can be observed for the food, household goods, bills, course cost and non-essential travel for which students spent fewer percentages of their money. About 1% of total expenses were for children in 1996, possibly by students who were also parents. Moreover, in 1996, the expense for courses was 10% and that decreased to 7% after three years. Non-essential consumer items and credit repayments were categories in ‘Other’ and that comprised 12% cost in 1996 whereas it increased by 4% in 1999.
The bar graph compares the expenses of
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students
who were less than 26 years
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old
and were in higher studies in the UK. It
was presented
based on the
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‘Student
Income and Expenditure Survey’ conducted by the Department for Education and Employment. The data is for the years 1996 and 1999 and the expenditures
were classified
into 7 main categories.

Overall
, expenses by those
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students
on food,
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course
fees, bills, accommodations and
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non-essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travels
decreased whereas the amount
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spent
on entertainment, credit repayment, and essential
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travels
increased.

As the data suggests, entertainment drained the highest amount of money both in 1996 and 1999 and the expenses on food, accommodation, household
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
,
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non-essential
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travels
and
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course
decreased in 1999.
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Students
in the UK
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spent
26% for entertainment in 1996 and after three years, it increased to 31%. They
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spent
23% for their accommodation in 1996 and it dipped to 20% in 1999. A similar pattern can
be observed
for the food, household
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, bills,
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course
cost and
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non-essential
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travel
for which
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students
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spent
fewer percentages of their money. About 1% of total expenses were for children in 1996,
possibly
by
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students
who were
also
parents.
Moreover
, in 1996, the
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expense
for
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courses
was 10% and that decreased to 7% after three years.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Non-essential
consumer items and credit repayments were categories in ‘Other’ and that comprised 12% cost in 1996 whereas it increased by 4% in 1999.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS academic The chart shows student expenditure over a three-year period in the United Kingdom. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
235 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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