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the chart show the amount of time that 10 to 15-years-olds spend chatting on the Internet and playing on the games consoles on the average school day in the UK. v.2

the chart show the amount of time that 10 to 15-years-olds spend chatting on the Internet and playing on the games consoles on the average school day in the UK. v. 2
the bar chart compares how much time that teenager from 10 to 15 years old chat online and play computer games on an average school day in the UK. Overall, looking at the chart it is immediately obvious that playing on games console is more popular than chatting online. However, the opposite trend can be seen in the figures for girls if we look at specific figures between boys and girls. according to the chart, boys are more interested in playing computer games than having conversations online. While 85 of boys play on games console, only 55% chat online. Even though the proportion of boys spending equally 25% on doing two activities, but over 65% of boys take at least 1 hour to play games and just around 20% chat online per day. in comparison, girls spend most of their time daily on having online conversations with nearly 70% while 55% play computer games. the figures for girls chatting online less than 1 hour lower than girls playing games on console' s figures. By contrast, there are slightly 33% of girls chatting online, compared to approximately 15% play games.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
bar chart compares how much time that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
from 10 to 15 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
chat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on an average school day in the UK.

Overall
, looking at the chart it is immediately obvious that playing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
console is more popular than chatting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
However
, the opposite trend can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
if we look at specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and girls.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
according
to the chart,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
are more interested in playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
than having conversations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. While 85 of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
console,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
55% chat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
Even though
the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
spending
equally
25% on doing two activities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
over 65% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
take at least 1 hour to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
around 20% chat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
per day.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
comparison,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
spend most of their time daily on having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
conversations with
nearly
70% while 55%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
chatting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
less than 1 hour lower than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
console&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
. By contrast, there are
slightly
33% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
chatting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, compared to approximately 15%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS academic the chart show the amount of time that 10 to 15-years-olds spend chatting on the Internet and playing on the games consoles on the average school day in the UK. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
189 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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