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The chart below shows the amount of time that 10 to 15-year-olds spend chatting on the Internet and playing on games consoles on an average school day in the UK. v.2

The chart below shows the amount of time that 10 to 15-year-olds spend chatting on the Internet and playing on games consoles on an average school day in the UK. v. 2
The chart compares the time spent on chatting online and playing on game consoles by younger people who aged betwenn 10-15 in the UK. In general, playing on games consoles for both boys and girls is the most popular activities than chatting on the internet (68% as against 62%). In terms of chat online, girls make up a higher percentage of spending time on chating online than Boys with around 68% and 54% respectively. The proportion of girls used 4 hours or plus in chatting on the internet was 8% which was twice as high as that of boys. However, the pattern is the complete reverse when it comes to Playing on computer game. 85% of boys spent on playing games console while girls accounted for nearly 52% on that. The rate of boys used 1-3 hours was 34% as opposed on this, girls only comprised 13% in playing on game console. With approximate 10% of boys spent on 4 hours or plus in playing on games console was a much higher than that of girls (10% in comparision with 2%).
The chart compares the time spent on chatting online and
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playing
on game
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consoles
by younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who aged
Possible spelling mistake found.
betwenn
10-15 in the UK.

In general
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consoles
for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
is the most popular activities than chatting on the internet (68% as against 62%).

In terms of chat online,
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girls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up a higher percentage of spending time on
Possible spelling mistake found.
chating
online than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Boys
with around 68% and 54%
respectively
. The proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
4 hours or plus in chatting on the internet was 8% which was twice as high as that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
.
However
, the pattern is the complete reverse when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Playing
on computer game. 85% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
spent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
console
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
accounted for
nearly
52% on that. The rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
1-3 hours was 34% as opposed on this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
comprised 13% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
on game
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
console
. With approximate 10% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
spent on 4 hours or plus in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
console
was a much higher than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
(10% in
Possible spelling mistake found.
comparision
with 2%).
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS academic The chart below shows the amount of time that 10 to 15-year-olds spend chatting on the Internet and playing on games consoles on an average school day in the UK. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
181 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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