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The bar graph below shows the numbers of male and female research students studying six subjects at a US university in 2011 v.4

The bar graph below shows the numbers of male and female research students studying six subjects at a US university in 2011 v. 4
The graph compares differences in the numbers of male and female students studying six subjects at a American university in 2011. In overall, the number of male students in most subjects was significant higher, especially in Mathematics, which 200 male involved while only less then 50 female took the course. Two third of the students joined programming class were men while only around 60 female student studied this subject. There were 150 male students in engineering and approximately 90 female students took this course. The disparity in psychology between two genders was trivial as 200 men joined the class and over 150 students were women. In natural sciences, there were 200 students in each gender. The only subject with higher number of woman participation was linguistics, which over 100 students were female and around 70 male student joined the class.
The graph compares differences in the numbers of male and
female
students
studying six
subjects
at
a
American university in 2011. In
overall
, the number of male
students
in most
subjects
was significant higher,
especially
in Mathematics, which 200 male involved while
only
less
then
50
female
took the course.

Two third of the
students
joined
programming
class
were
men
while
only
around 60
female
student
studied this
subject
. There were 150 male
students
in engineering and approximately 90
female
students
took this course. The disparity in psychology between two genders was trivial as 200
men
joined
the
class
and over 150
students
were women.

In natural sciences, there were 200
students
in each gender. The
only
subject
with higher number of woman participation was linguistics, which over 100
students
were
female
and around 70 male
student
joined
the
class
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS academic The bar graph below shows the numbers of male and female research students studying six subjects at a US university in 2011 v. 4

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
140 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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