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The chart shoes the number of visitors to a local cinema last year according to age Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.2

The chart shoes the number of visitors to a local cinema last year according to age
The pie chart shows the information of local cinema’s visitors during last year divined by age. Three visitors’ groups constitute more than three-quarter of the overall visitors. More than half of the total visitors come from visitors who age between 35 -54. As a result, the 35-54 group made up the largest proportion, larger than visitors range between 15-24 combined with visitors aged over 55. The second biggest visitors are visitors between 15-24 years old and over 55 years old, correspondingly. Both proportion are the same at 16 percent each. There are also couple smaller proportion of visitors. 12 percent of the over visitors come from a group age between 25-34 years old. The smallest group of visitors’ age range are 5-14 years old, which is lower than half of a visitor group aged between 25-34 years old. Overall, it can be seen from the pie chart that the biggest visitors group aged between 35-54 years old whereas the smallest age between 5-14 years old.
The pie chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the information of local cinema’s
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visitors
during last
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year
divined by age.

Three
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visitors’
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groups
constitute more than three-quarter of the
overall
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visitors
. More than half of the total
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visitors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
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visitors
who
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age
between 35 -54.
As a result
, the 35-54
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group
made up the largest proportion, larger than
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visitors
range between 15-24 combined with
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visitors
aged over 55. The second biggest
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visitors
are
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visitors
between 15-24 years
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old
and over 55 years
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old
,
correspondingly
. Both proportion
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "is".
are
the same at 16 percent each.

There are
also
couple smaller proportion of
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visitors
. 12 percent of the over
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visitors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from a
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group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
between 25-34 years
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old
. The smallest
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group
of
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visitors’
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age
range are 5-14 years
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old
, which is lower than half of a
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visitor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
aged between 25-34 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the pie chart that the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
aged between 35-54 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
whereas the smallest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
between 5-14 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS academic The chart shoes the number of visitors to a local cinema last year according to age

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
165 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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