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Pie charts shows water used in 6 different areas of world for different purposes. Summarise and highlight main points. v.2

Pie charts shows water used in 6 different areas of world for different purposes. Summarise and highlight main points. v. 2
The pie chart given below illustrates the proportion of water used for different purposes in six different parts of the world. Overall water is mainly used for Agricultural used followed by industrial purposes and lastly household purposes. Agriculture was by far the leading use of water in African and the Asian subcontinent, However in the American and European subcontinent the major use of water was for industrial purposes. The only exception to this was the area of South America where still farming is the main occupation, due to which agricultural use of water is the primary use. More than 70% of water in the South America was used for Agriculture, which was still less compared to the African and Asian subcontinent where Agriculture use around 80% of the use. Highest being central Asia and the lowest being Europe. Besides agriculture, Industrial use of water was the topic of importance. In Industrialized countries like Europe and North America industrial use of water exceeds agricultural use, as farming is decreasing in these areas due to emergence of industrialization. About 53% of water in Europe was used by industries, followed by North America with 48% and South America with 19%. Remaining parts of Asia and Africa used less than 10% on Industries, exception being south east asia where 12% of water was used for factory purposes. Domestic and Household use of water forms the third largest use of water. The least water used on domestic purposes was in asian subcontinent with 7%, followed by Africa with 9% due to lack of water sources. However, scenes were quite the opposite on the other side of the world where around 15% of water was used on household process. The highest domestic water usage was in South America where around 19% of people used water for regular domestic purposes.
The pie chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
below illustrates the proportion of
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water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
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different
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purposes
in six
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different
parts of the world.

Overall
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water
is
mainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for Agricultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
followed by
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industrial
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purposes
and
lastly
household purposes.

Agriculture was by far the leading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
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water
in African and the Asian subcontinent,
However
in the American and European subcontinent the major
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
was for
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industrial
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purposes
. The
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only
exception to this was the area of South America where
still
farming is the main occupation, due to which agricultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is the primary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. More than 70% of
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water
in the South America was
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used
for Agriculture, which was
still
less compared to the African and Asian subcontinent where Agriculture
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "uses".
use
around 80% of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
A determiner is probably missing here: "the Highest".
Highest
being
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
central Asia
and the lowest being Europe.

Besides
agriculture,
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Industrial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
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water
was the topic of importance.

In Industrialized countries like Europe and North America
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industrial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
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water
exceeds agricultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, as farming is decreasing in these areas due to emergence of industrialization. About 53% of
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water
in Europe was
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used
by industries, followed by North America with 48% and South America with 19%. Remaining parts of Asia and Africa
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used
less than 10% on Industries, exception being
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
south east
Possible spelling mistake found.
asia
where 12% of
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water
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for factory purposes.

Domestic and Household
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use
of
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water
forms the third largest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
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water
. The least
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water
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used
on domestic
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purposes
was in
Possible spelling mistake found.
asian
subcontinent with 7%, followed by Africa with 9% due to lack of
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water
sources.
However
, scenes were quite the opposite on the other side of the world where around 15% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
on household process. The highest domestic
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water
usage was in South America where around 19% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
for regular domestic
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purposes
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS academic Pie charts shows water used in 6 different areas of world for different purposes. Summarise and highlight main points. v. 2

Academic
  American English
6 paragraphs
303 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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