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1. The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999. v.2

1. The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999. v. 2
The line graph presents how the proportion of people out of work changed in the US and Japan from March 1993 to March 1999. The percentage of the US tended to decrease over the years. However, at the same time, unfortunately, Japan witnessed the rapid growth in the rates. Nevertheless, in 1999, both nations almost had the same percentage, which means the lowest figures of the US were equal to the highest ones of Japan. In year 1993, the percentage of unemployed people in the Us was over 7 %, which was the highest in the survey, followed by a fast decrease to about 5. 5% in March 1995. From 1995 to 1996, the ratio of people lost their job sightly increased again to over 5. 5% before the figure kept the downward trend again to reach the lowest point again with 4. 5% of people in the Us became jobless. The proportion of unemployment in Japan was only 2. 3% in the first year of the survey, which followed the upward trend to increase fastly. The figure of this country reached the highest point in 1999 with about 4. 7%.
The line graph presents how the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
out of work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in the US and Japan from March 1993 to March 1999.

The percentage of the US tended to decrease over the years.
However
, at the same time, unfortunately, Japan witnessed the rapid growth in the rates.
Nevertheless
, in 1999, both nations almost had the same percentage, which means the lowest figures of the US were equal to the highest ones of Japan.

In year 1993, the percentage of unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "Us"?
the Us
was over 7 %, which was the highest in the survey, followed by a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
decrease to about 5. 5% in March 1995. From 1995 to 1996, the ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lost their job
sightly
increased again to over 5. 5%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the figure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
the downward trend again to reach the lowest point again with 4. 5% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "Us"?
the Us
became jobless.

The proportion of unemployment in Japan was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2. 3% in the
first
year of the survey, which followed the upward trend to increase
Possible spelling mistake found.
fastly
. The figure of this country reached the highest point in 1999 with about 4. 7%.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS academic 1. The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
191 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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