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The chart below shows how much money is spent in the budget on different sectors by the UAE government in 2000. v.1

The chart below shows how much money is spent in the budget on different sectors by the UAE government in 2000. v. 1
The pie chart shows the national expenditure of the United Arab Emirates government in 2000. Generally speaking, the UAE government had a budget of over 300 billion AED and the highest portion of this budget was spent on social security and health & social services. As is given in the diagram, the UAE government spent more than 300 billion AED in ten different sectors in 2000. Social security for the citizens cost the highest budget and it was exactly 100 billion AED. Health and personal social services, on the other hand, required more than 50 billion and this was the second largest budget money allocation for the UAE government in 2000. The UAE authority used 38 billion for education, 17 billion for law and order and 13 billion for job, industry and agriculture. Defence sector cost them 22 billion which was slightly lower than the debt interests the government paid in this year. Housing, heritage and environment got 15 billion which was nearly the same as it was allocated for law and order. Finally, 9 billion was spent on the transportation sector and 23 million for other sectors which are not specifically mentioned in the chart.
The pie chart
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shows
the national expenditure of the United Arab Emirates
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government
in 2000.
Generally
speaking, the UAE
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government
had a
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budget
of over 300
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billion
AED and the highest portion of this
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budget
was spent
on
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social
security and health &
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social
services.

As is
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given
in the diagram, the UAE
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government
spent more than 300
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billion
AED in ten
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different
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sectors
in 2000.
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Social
security for the citizens cost the highest
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budget
and it was exactly 100
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billion
AED. Health and personal
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social
services,
on the other hand
, required more than 50
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billion
and this was the second largest
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budget
money allocation for the UAE
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government
in 2000. The UAE authority
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used
38
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billion
for education, 17
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billion
for law and order and 13
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billion
for job, industry and agriculture.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Defence' is British English.
Defence
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sector
cost them 22
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billion
which was
slightly
lower than the debt interests the
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government
paid in this year. Housing, heritage and environment
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got
15
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billion
which was
nearly
the same as it
was allocated
for law and order.
Finally
, 9
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billion
was spent
on the transportation
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sector
and 23 million for other
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sectors
which are not
specifically
mentioned in the chart.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
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IELTS academic The chart below shows how much money is spent in the budget on different sectors by the UAE government in 2000. v. 1

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
196 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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