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The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1995-2002. v.6

The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1995-2002. v. 6
The bar chart illustrates annual duration of phone calls (in billion minutes) made by British people in three different categories between 1995 and 2005. In general, local fixed-line was the most popular type of telephone used by people living in the UK over the period and cell phone gained its popularity steadily. More than 70 billion minutes were utilised by United Kingdom’s citizens to communicate each other through local fixed-line over those years and that was the highest total number of minutes talked. The use of local fixed-line reached a peak in 1999, at 90 billion minutes before falling by around 18 billion minutes in the next three years. On the other hand, although the minutes of mobile phones were not as many as those of national and international - fixed line, this type of communication had upward trends over the time. While national and international - fixed line started roughly 38 billion minutes and then increased by approximately 22 billion at the end of the year, cell phones had about 3 billion minutes in 1995 and then rose significantly until reaching a peak to just under 50 billion in 2002.
The bar chart illustrates annual duration of
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phone
calls (in
Use "a billion" or use a number before 'billion'.
billion
minutes) made by British
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people
in three
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different
categories between 1995 and 2005.
In general
, local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
-line was the most popular type of telephone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living in the UK over the period and cell
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phone
gained its popularity
steadily
.

More than 70
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billion
minutes were
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
by United Kingdom’s citizens to communicate each other through local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
-line over those years and that was the highest total number of minutes talked. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
-line reached a peak in 1999, at 90
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billion
minutes
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before
falling by around 18
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billion
minutes in the
next
three years.

On the other hand
, although the minutes of mobile
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phones
were not as
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many
as those of national and international
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
line, this type of communication had upward trends over the time. While national and international
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
line
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
roughly 38
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billion
minutes and then increased by approximately 22
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billion
at the
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end
of the year, cell
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phones
had about 3
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billion
minutes in 1995 and then rose
significantly
until reaching a peak to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 50
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billion
in 2002.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS academic The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1995-2002. v. 6

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
191 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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