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The chart below shows the proportion of income adults and children spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998 v.2

The chart below shows the proportion of income adults and children spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998 v. 2
The table compares the percentage of income spent on food, electronic equipment, music and videos by the adults and children in the United Kingdom in 1998. Overall, adults in the UK spent the most on food in 1998, while children spent the least on this item. It is also noticeable that children' s biggest percentage of income was allocated to music and adults' smallest proportion of money could be seen on videos. Women' s expenditure on food was by far the highest at 39%, followed by adults and men at a quarter and 14% respectively. By contrast, children, boys and girls spending were just between 9 and 11%. With regard to electronic equipment, children spent the highest percentage of income overall at 23%. The proportion of income used for buying music by children, boys and girls were the highest at approximately 40% each as compared to adults, men and women who had similar figures at 5%. The spending on videos by adults, men and women were insignificant ranging between 0. 5% and 2% only but their counterparts paid out less than 20% of their income for this item.
The table compares the percentage of
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income
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spent
on food, electronic equipment, music and videos by the
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adults
and
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children
in the United Kingdom in 1998.

Overall
,
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adults
in the UK
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spent
the most on food in 1998, while
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children
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spent
the least on this item. It is
also
noticeable that
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children&
#039; s biggest percentage of
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income
was allocated
to music and
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adults&
#039; smallest proportion of money could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on videos.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Women&
#039; s expenditure on food was by far the highest at 39%, followed by
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adults
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
at a quarter and 14%
respectively
. By contrast,
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children
, boys and girls spending were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
between 9 and 11%. With regard to electronic equipment,
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children
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spent
the highest percentage of
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income
overall
at 23%.

The proportion of
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income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for buying music by
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children
, boys and girls were the highest at approximately 40% each as compared to
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adults
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women who had similar figures at 5%. The spending on videos by
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adults
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women were insignificant ranging between 0. 5% and 2%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their counterparts paid out less than 20% of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
for this item.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS academic The chart below shows the proportion of income adults and children spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998 v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
188 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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