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the table below shows the proportion of income adults and children spent on four common categories in the UK in 1998 v.2

the table below shows the proportion of income adults and children spent on four common categories in the UK in 1998 v. 2
The table displays the percentages of revenue adults and children, split by gender, paid out on four different categories in the UK in 1998. Overall, Adults spent more money on Food whereas Video was the category where they spent less money in 1998. It is important to highlight that both men and women showed the same items preferences but in different percentages. On the other hand, Children showed other results. Electronic equipment was the category with the highest spending proportion while Food showed the least interest by children. In this case, boys paid out more for Electric Equipment and less for Food. Girls spent more on Music and less in Food According to the data, Men spent 100 times that women spent on videos. Moreover, Women spent around ten times on Food that Men spent on Video. On the other hand, Boys paid out in electronic equipment 40% of their income and Women just 8%. Furthermore, Women used their money in Music by 19% while boys spent 12% on the same item.
The table displays the percentages of revenue adults and children, split by gender, paid out on four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
categories in the UK in 1998.

Overall
, Adults
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spent
more money on
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Food
whereas Video was the category where they
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spent
less money in 1998. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to highlight that both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
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women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the same items preferences
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
percentages.
On the other hand
, Children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
other results. Electronic equipment was the category with the highest spending proportion while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the least
In English, people don't say "interest by'. They say, "interest in'. Did you mean "interest in"?
interest by
children.
In this case
, boys paid out more for Electric Equipment and less for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
. Girls
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
more on Music and less in
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
Food


According to the data,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
100 times that
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women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on videos.
Moreover
,
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Women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
around ten times on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on Video.
On the other hand
, Boys paid out in electronic equipment 40% of their income and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
8%.
Furthermore
,
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Women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
their money in Music by 19% while boys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
12% on the same item.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
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IELTS academic the table below shows the proportion of income adults and children spent on four common categories in the UK in 1998 v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
172 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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