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The chart below shows the percentage of total US population aged 65 and over between 1900 and 2000. v.1

The chart below shows the percentage of total US population aged 65 and over between 1900 and 2000. v. 1
The column graph summarises the percentages of elderly citizens in the USA who were above 64 years old between 1900 and 2000 based on the U. S. Census Bureau's decennial census of population data. Generally speaking, the ratio of senior citizens in the USA increased significantly over the period, and 65 to 74 years old citizens were highest in percentage in terms of their ratio among the elderly Americans. According to the graph, four out of hundred Americans were above 64 years old in 1900 and the majority of them were between 65 to 74 years old at that time. Moreover, the ratio of people over 85 years old in this decade was very insignificant. After three decades, however, the elderly people’s ratio in the US reached over 5% and it kept on increasing until the end of the 20th century. Thus, almost one in ten US citizens was elderly in 1970 and 0. 7% of them were 85 years old. The growth of senior citizens further accelerated after 1980 in the USA. As a consequence, during the last two decades of the 20th century, the USA had been the home to 12% senior citizens and almost 4. 5% of them were between 75 to 84 years old and 1. 5% above 85 years old.
The column graph
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarises' is British English.
summarises
the percentages of
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elderly
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citizens
in the USA who were above 64 years
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old
between 1900 and 2000 based on the U. S. Census Bureau's decennial census of population data.

Generally
speaking, the
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ratio
of senior
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citizens
in the USA increased
significantly
over the period, and 65 to 74 years
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old
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citizens
were highest in percentage in terms of their
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ratio
among the
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elderly
Americans.

According to the graph, four out of hundred Americans were above 64 years
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old
in 1900 and the majority of them were
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 65 and 74".
between 65 to 74
years
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old
at that time.
Moreover
, the
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ratio
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
over 85 years
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old
in this decade was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
insignificant. After three decades,
however
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
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ratio
in the US reached over 5% and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
on increasing until the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the 20th century.
Thus
, almost one in ten US
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
was
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elderly
in 1970 and 0. 7% of them were 85 years
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old
. The growth of senior
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citizens
further
accelerated after 1980 in the USA. As a consequence, during the last two decades of the 20th century, the USA had been the home to 12% senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
and almost 4. 5% of them were
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 75 and 84".
between 75 to 84
years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
and 1. 5% above 85 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS academic The chart below shows the percentage of total US population aged 65 and over between 1900 and 2000. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
215 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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