Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The graph below shows the average monthly use of health club in Miami and Florida by all full-time members in 2017. The pie charts show the age profile of male and female members of this health club. v. 1

The illustrations give the number of full-time male and female health-centre members in Miami and Florida throughout the year 2017 and outline the ratio of these members based on their gender and age. Overall, more male were active health centre members than that of females and just over half of them were between 21 to 45 years old. As the bar chart implies, 500 females were active members of different fitness clubs in Florida and Miami in January 2017 while their male counterparts were slightly higher in number. The membership count to these gyms and health centres remained almost the same till April but afterwards increased rapidly between June and September. During this period, fitness centres in these two areas had more than 800 active male participants and slightly over 700 female members. The number of male health club members had always been higher than that of females. From October until the end of the year, these clubs retained a fewer number of members and this number varied from 500 to 700. According to the pie charts, more than half of the male members of these fitness clubs were between 21 to 45 years old while this was exactly 50% for women. Over 65 years old men accounted for one-quarter participants while it was 6% higher in the case of females. Remaining one-fifth fitness club members were from different other age groups.

IELTS academic The graph below shows the average monthly use of health club in Miami and Florida by all full-time members in 2017. The pie charts show the age profile of male and female members of this health club. v.1

The illustrations give the
number
of full-time male and
female
health-centre
members
in Miami and Florida throughout the
year
2017 and outline the ratio of these
members
based on their gender and age.
Overall
, more male were active health
centre
members
than that of
females
and
just
over half of them were
between 21 to 45
years
old
. As the bar chart implies, 500
females
were active
members
of
different
fitness
clubs
in Florida and Miami in January 2017 while their male counterparts were
slightly
higher in
number
. The membership count to these gyms and health
centres
remained almost the same till April
but
afterwards increased
rapidly
between June and September. During this period,
fitness
centres
in these two areas had more than 800 active male participants and
slightly
over 700
female
members
. The
number
of male health
club
members
had always been higher than that of
females
. From October until the
end
of the
year
, these
clubs
retained a fewer
number
of
members
and this
number
varied from 500 to 700. According to the pie charts, more than half of the male
members
of these
fitness
clubs
were
between 21 to 45
years
old
while this was exactly 50% for women. Over 65 years
old
men
accounted for one-quarter participants while it was 6% higher in the case of
females
. Remaining one-fifth
fitness
club
members
were from
different
other age groups.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Academic
3 paragraphs
232 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resources: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Band score ≥ 7
  • Band score ≤ 6
Similar academic posts: