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The first graph gives the number of passengers travelling by train in Sydney. The second graph provides information on the percentage of trains running on time. v.1

The first graph gives the number of passengers travelling by train in Sydney. The second graph provides information on the percentage of trains running on time. v. 1
The line graphs give data on the number of train commuters in Sydney from 1995 to 2004 and outline the ratio of trains that ran on time during the same period. As an overall trend, the number of rail passengers in Sydney gradually increased between 1995 to 2002 and in 2004 a higher percentage of locomotives failed to run on time. As the data suggests, 250 million passengers used the train transportations in 1995 in Sydney and this number slowly increased in the next 4 years. In 1999, train commuters' number in Sydney was around 265 million and it abruptly hiked in the next two years before dropping again in 2002. In 2000, 280 million passengers used locomotives and this number further increased and reached to the highest, 300 million, in 2001. From 2002 to 2004 the train commuters’ number remained constant at 280 million. Besides, more than 92% trains in 1995 arrived and reached their destination on time but this record deteriorated and dropped to just over 85% in 1997. In 2000, almost 15% rails failed to maintain the schedule and this scenario was worst in 2004 when more than 25% trains in Sydney could not run on time.
The line graphs give data on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
commuters in Sydney from 1995 to 2004 and outline the ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
that ran on time during the same period. As an
overall
trend, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of rail passengers in Sydney
gradually
increased
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 1995 and 2002".
between 1995 to 2002
and in 2004 a higher percentage of locomotives failed to run on time.

As the data suggests, 250
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million
passengers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
transportations in 1995 in Sydney and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
slowly
increased in the
next
4 years. In 1999,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
commuters'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
in Sydney was around 265
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
and it
abruptly
hiked in the
next
two years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
dropping again in 2002. In 2000, 280
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
passengers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
locomotives and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
further
increased and reached to the highest, 300
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
, in 2001. From 2002 to 2004 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
commuters’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
remained constant at 280 million.

Besides
, more than 92%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
in 1995 arrived and reached their destination on time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this record deteriorated and dropped to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 85% in 1997. In 2000, almost 15% rails failed to maintain the schedule and this scenario was worst in 2004 when more than 25%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
in Sydney could not run on time.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS academic The first graph gives the number of passengers travelling by train in Sydney. The second graph provides information on the percentage of trains running on time. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
200 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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