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The chart below shows the percentage of male and female smokers in Britain during the period between 1950 and 1990. v.2

The chart below shows the percentage of male and female smokers in Britain during the period between 1950 and 1990. v. 2
The bar chart compares the proportions of British men and women who smoked from 1950 to 1990. It is clearly shown that while the number of smoking men fell significantly, the opposite trend was true for the figure of smoking women during the period shown. Additionally, men outnumbered women in smoking. In 1950, there was nearly eight in ten of men smoked compared to 15% that of women. The figure for male smokers gradually decreased to just over 70% when the percentage of female smokers began to rise and almost doubled after 20 years. Then the proportion of smoking men remained stable until 1980; the number of smoking women reached its peak at 40%. At the end of the surveyed period, a sudden drop in the percentage of men in terms of smoking accounted for just over 40%. In comparison, the same pattern experienced in the figure of women smoked, at about a third in total.
The bar chart compares the proportions of British
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who smoked from 1950 to 1990.

It is
clearly
shown that while the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
fell
significantly
, the opposite trend was true for the figure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
during the period shown.
Additionally
,
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men
outnumbered
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women
in smoking.

In 1950, there was
nearly
eight in ten of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
smoked compared to 15% that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. The figure for male smokers
gradually
decreased to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 70% when the percentage of female smokers began to rise and almost doubled after 20 years. Then the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
remained stable until 1980; the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
reached its peak at 40%.

At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the surveyed period, a sudden drop in the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
accounted for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 40%.
In comparison
, the same pattern experienced in the figure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
smoked, at about a third in total.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS academic The chart below shows the percentage of male and female smokers in Britain during the period between 1950 and 1990. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
156 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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