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The chart below shows the percentage of female employees in three job sectors in Greece from 1990 to 2015. v.2

The chart below shows the percentage of female employees in three job sectors in Greece from 1990 to 2015. v. 2
The illustration outlines the percentages of female employees in the call centre, finance, and customer service jobs in Greece between 1990 and 2015. Overall, women participation in these sectors remarkably improved and almost half of the customer service and call centre jobs were held by female employees in 2015 compared to a meagre 2 to 10 per cent in 1990. As is observed, call centres in Greece in 1990 had only 2 to 3 per cent of female workers whereas around 8 per cent of employees in the banking and finance industries were women. The highest ratio of female executives was employed in customer service this year but it was still just over 10% of total employees. Up until the year 2000, the ratio of female workers in call centre jobs slowly increased but their ratio in two other sectors remained almost the same. However, in 2005, call centres hired nearly one-quarter female employees while more than 20% of customer service executives in this year were female. After a decade, women employment in Greece in these sectors notably advanced and more than half of the customer care jobs were filled by females while call centres hired around 45 per cent female employees. Finally, the banking and finance sector employed around 35% females, which was more than four times higher than that of 1990.
The illustration outlines the percentages of
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female
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employees
in the
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call
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
, finance, and
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customer
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service
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jobs
in Greece between 1990 and 2015.

Overall
, women participation in these
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sectors
remarkably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
and almost half of the
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customer
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service
and
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call
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
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jobs
were held
by
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female
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employees
in 2015 compared to a
Possible spelling mistake. 'meagre' is British English.
meagre
2 to 10 per cent in 1990.

As
is observed
,
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call
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
in Greece in 1990 had
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only
2 to 3 per cent of
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female
workers whereas around 8 per cent of
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employees
in the banking and finance industries were women. The highest ratio of
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female
executives
was employed
in
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customer
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service
this year
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but
it was
still
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just
over 10% of total
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employees
. Up until the year 2000, the ratio of
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female
workers in
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call
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
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jobs
slowly
increased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their ratio in two other
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sectors
remained almost the same.
However
, in 2005,
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call
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
hired
nearly
one-quarter
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female
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employees
while more than 20% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
executives in this year were
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female
. After a decade, women employment in Greece in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
notably
advanced and more than half of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customer
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
were filled
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
while
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call
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
hired around 45 per cent
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female
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employees
.
Finally
, the banking and finance
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sector
employed around 35%
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females
, which was more than four times higher than that of 1990.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS academic The chart below shows the percentage of female employees in three job sectors in Greece from 1990 to 2015. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
223 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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