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The chart below shows the percentage of female employees in three job sectors in Greece from 1990 to 2015. v.4

The chart below shows the percentage of female employees in three job sectors in Greece from 1990 to 2015. v. 4
The column chart demonstrates the proportion of female employees who worked in three job sectors between 1990 and 2015. It can be clearly observed that during 2005, 2010, and 2015, the female employees in the call center of Greece were higher as compared to other years. Coming to the Banking and finance section, only the year 2015 had the highest number of female employees, accounting for 35 %, while in the rest of the years, the females were below 20%. Turning to the customer service sector, in the starting years 1990, 1995, and 2000, women were noticed around 13%, and thereafter, they escalated to 20% in the year 2005. Eventually, in 2010 and 2015, the women employees exhibited a rapid escalation in the percentage, which accounted for 28% and 50% respectively. Overall, having taken an overview of the above-mentioned information, it is crystal clear that the maximum employed females were found in the last three years than the first three years.
The column chart demonstrates the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
who worked in three job sectors between 1990 and 2015.

It can be
clearly
observed that during 2005, 2010, and 2015, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in the call center of Greece were higher
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to other years. Coming to the Banking and finance section,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2015 had the highest number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, accounting for 35 %, while in the rest of the years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
were below 20%.

Turning to the customer service sector, in the starting years 1990, 1995, and 2000, women
were noticed
around 13%, and thereafter, they escalated to 20% in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2005.
Eventually
, in 2010 and 2015, the women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
exhibited a rapid escalation in the percentage, which accounted for 28% and 50%
respectively
.

Overall
, having taken an overview of the above-mentioned information, it is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the maximum employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
were found
in the last three years than the
first
three years.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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IELTS academic The chart below shows the percentage of female employees in three job sectors in Greece from 1990 to 2015. v. 4

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
161 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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