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The chart below shows the percentage of female employees in three job sectors in Greece from 1990 to 2015. v.3

The chart below shows the percentage of female employees in three job sectors in Greece from 1990 to 2015. v. 3
The bar graph compares the ratio of female employees in three job sectors, namely "call centre", "banking and finance" and "customer service" in Greece from 1990 to 2015. Overall, the percentages of women workers in these sectors skyrocketed and in customer service, the highest ratio of female was employed in 2015. According to the diagram, only 2-3 call centre employees out of a hundred were female in 1990. However, the female operatives in this sector kept on increasing and reached over 20% in 2005 and over 30% in 2010. Finally, in 2015, almost half of the call centre workers were female. A similar trend could be observed in the "banking and finance" and "customer care" sectors. Approximately 9 to 11 per cent of employees in these two sectors were female during 1990 and 2000. However, women participation in these jobs kept on increasing from 2005. In 2015, nearly 35% of Greece women worked in the banking and finance sector. It is worth noticing that the ratio of female employees in customer service in 2015 was more than half of the total employees.
The bar graph compares the ratio of
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female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in three job
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sectors
,
namely
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"
call
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
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"
,
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"
banking and finance
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"
and
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"
customer service
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"
in Greece from 1990 to 2015.
Overall
, the percentages of women workers in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
skyrocketed and in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customer
service, the highest ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
was employed
in 2015.

According to the diagram,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2-3 call
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
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employees
out of a hundred were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
in 1990.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
operatives in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
on increasing and reached over 20% in 2005 and over 30% in 2010.
Finally
, in 2015, almost half of the call
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
workers were female.

A similar trend could
be observed
in the
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
banking and finance
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
and
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
customer care
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
. Approximately 9 to 11 per cent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in these two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
during 1990 and 2000.
However
, women participation in these jobs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
on increasing from 2005. In 2015,
nearly
35% of Greece women worked in the banking and finance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
. It is worth noticing that the ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customer
service in 2015 was more than half of the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS academic The chart below shows the percentage of female employees in three job sectors in Greece from 1990 to 2015. v. 3

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
182 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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