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The chart below shows the numbers of male and female research students studying six science-related subjects at a UK university in 2009. v.3

The chart below shows the numbers of male and female research students studying six science-related subjects at a UK university in 2009. v. 3
The proportions of research students, both male and female, who were studying in six different science courses at a UK university in 2009 are revealed in the form of bar chart. All in all, the proportions of male research students in Physics, Astronomy and Geology were much higher than the female research students while more female were engaged in Veterinary Medicine than that of males. Looking at the detail it is clear that the number of male students was always more than the women, except in the research class of Veterinary Medicine. The gap between the number of male and female students is most visible in Physics subject in which there were more than 200 male students against the only 40 female students. Interestingly, the numbers of women students who took Veterinary Medicine was higher than the men, nonetheless. In this faculty, the proportion of men scholars was nearly a hundred, just a couple of tens less than the women. The Highest number of research students were in Biology while the lowest number of that students could be observed in Veterinary Medicine. In summary, female research students in the UK in 2009 preferred Biology, Medicine and Veterinary Medicine while male research students mostly preferred Biology, Physics, and Medicine.
The proportions of
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research
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students
, both male and
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female
, who were studying in six
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different
science courses at a UK university in 2009
are revealed
in the form of bar chart. All in all, the proportions of male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in Physics, Astronomy and Geology were much higher than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
while more
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female
were engaged
in Veterinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Medicine
than that of males.

Looking at the detail it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
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number
of male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
was always more than the women, except in the
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research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
of Veterinary
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Medicine
. The gap between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of male and
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female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is most visible in Physics subject in which there were more than 200 male
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students
against the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
40
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female
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students
.
Interestingly
, the
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numbers
of women
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students
who took Veterinary
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Medicine
was higher than the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, nonetheless. In this faculty, the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
scholars was
nearly
a hundred,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a couple of tens less than the women. The Highest
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were in Biology while the lowest
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number
of that
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students
could
be observed
in Veterinary Medicine.

In summary,
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female
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research
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students
in the UK in 2009 preferred Biology,
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Medicine
and Veterinary
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Medicine
while male
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research
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students
mostly
preferred Biology, Physics, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Medicine
.
0Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS academic The chart below shows the numbers of male and female research students studying six science-related subjects at a UK university in 2009. v. 3

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
208 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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