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The charts below show degrees granted in different fields at the National University in the years 1990, 2000, 2010. v.2

The charts below show degrees granted in different fields at the National University in the years 1990, 2000, 2010. v. 2
Three pie charts provided show academic records in 1990, 2000 and 2010 about the degrees that were granted in different fields at the National University. There were four majors given in those particular years - Computer Science, Medicine, Business and Law. In 1990, Computer Science and Business graduates were equally granted, which were 30% for both programmes. In this year 25% of graduates from National University were from Medicine and 15% from the faculty of Law. In the following years, both in 2000 and 2010, Computer Science graduates increases steadily and their percentage increased to 40% in 2000 and 45% in 2010. Unfortunately, business faculty graduates dropped by 10% in 2000 and this decline was 5% for Law graduates. However, Medicine faculty graduates increased by 5% in 2000 but again went back to 25% in the year 2010. As the data depicts, Computer Science became more popular over time and the highest percentage of graduates were granted in the given years from this major. Law and Medicine faculty remained almost the same in terms of granting of graduation degree, but the popularity and percentages of graduation from Business department decreased over time.
Three pie charts provided
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
academic records in 1990, 2000 and 2010 about the degrees that
were granted
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields at the National University. There were four majors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in those particular years
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
Computer
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Science
,
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Medicine
,
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Business
and Law.

In 1990, Computer
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Science
and
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Business
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graduates
were
equally
granted, which were 30% for both
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
. In this
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year
25% of
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graduates
from National University were from
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Medicine
and 15% from the faculty of Law.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
the following years, both in 2000 and 2010, Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
increases
steadily
and their percentage increased to 40% in 2000 and 45% in 2010. Unfortunately,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
faculty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
dropped by 10% in 2000 and this decline was 5% for Law
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
.
However
,
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Medicine
faculty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
increased by 5% in 2000
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
again went back to 25% in the
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year
2010.

As the data depicts, Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
became more popular over time and the highest percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
were granted
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
years from this major. Law and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Medicine
faculty remained almost the same in terms of granting of graduation degree,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the popularity and percentages of graduation from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Business
department decreased over time.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS academic The charts below show degrees granted in different fields at the National University in the years 1990, 2000, 2010. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
192 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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