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The chart below shows the numbers of male and female research students studying six science-related subjects at a UK university in 2009. v.2

The chart below shows the numbers of male and female research students studying six science-related subjects at a UK university in 2009. v. 2
The column graph compares the male and female research students in a UK university in six science-major subjects in the year 2009. As a general trend, biology and medicine were preferred by both sexes while physics and astronomy were picked by male research students in this university. As is obvious from the given illustration, physics, astronomy and geology were mostly picked by the male research pupils while veterinary medicine as a subject was mostly preferred by females. While more than 200 male took physics, only about 40 female did so and a similar trend could be observed in the case of astronomy and geology. The highest number of students took biology as the number of students in this subject exceeded 400. Medicine was the second preferred subjects by the students of this university with exactly 200 male and about 175 female students. The only subject which got more female students than male was veterinary medicine in which more than 100 female enrolled compared to the just about 90 male students. The number of male research students in this UK university was approximately one thousand while it was about 550 for female.
The column graph compares the male and
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female
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research
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students
in a UK university in six science-major
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subjects
in the year 2009. As a general trend, biology and
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medicine
were preferred
by both sexes while physics and astronomy
were picked
by male
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research
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students
in this university.

As is obvious from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
illustration, physics, astronomy and geology were
mostly
picked by the male
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research
pupils while veterinary
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medicine
as a
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subject
was
mostly
preferred by
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females
. While more than 200 male took physics,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about 40
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female
did
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so
and a similar trend could
be observed
in the case of astronomy and geology. The highest number of
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students
took biology as the number of
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students
in this
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subject
exceeded 400.
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Medicine
was the second preferred
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subjects
by the
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students
of this university with exactly 200 male and about 175
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female
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students
. The
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only
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subject
which
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got
more
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female
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students
than male was veterinary
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medicine
in which more than 100
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female
enrolled compared to the
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just
about 90 male
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students
. The number of male
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research
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students
in this UK university was approximately one thousand while it was about 550 for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
.
0Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS academic The chart below shows the numbers of male and female research students studying six science-related subjects at a UK university in 2009. v. 2

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
191 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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